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As a psychotherapist I have always been interested in emotional, physical and mental wellness. The miraculous human system has always fascinated me, especially since I have been deepening my knowledge and clinical practice into body and brain-oriented psychotherapies like EMDR Therapy, Somatic Experiencing Therapy and Mindfulness oriented approaches. Mind and body work together to provide […]

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As a psychotherapist I have always been interested in emotional, physical and mental wellness. The miraculous human system has always fascinated me, especially since I have been deepening my knowledge and clinical practice into body and brain-oriented psychotherapies like EMDR Therapy, Somatic Experiencing Therapy and Mindfulness oriented approaches. Mind and body work together to provide our wellness in life, we cannot separate one from the other. We need to take good care of our body to improve our brain and nervous system function.

Often when we refer to wellness, we assume that we are talking about physical wellbeing. But one can be physically very healthy but still be unwell, emotionally or mentally. What are the steps we can take to cultivate optimal wellness in all areas of our life; to develop Mental, Physical, Emotional, & Spiritual Wellbeing?

As a part of our series about “How We Can Do To Cultivate Our Mental, Physical, Emotional, & Spiritual Wellbeing”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Şirin Atçeken.

Şirin Atçeken is an EMDR Europe Accredited Consultant and Supervisor and specialist at Wecure. She is an EMDR Turkey association board member and an accredited Somatic Experiencing Therapist, as well as the Co-Founder of Salt Psikoloji Enstitüsü.

After graduating from Notre Dame de Sion French Highschool- İstanbul, she got her bachelor’s degree (BA) in ‘Psychology’ from Middle East Technical University (METU) — Ankara. After being qualified for the Fulbright Scholarship, she went to the United States of America (USA) for her higher education. She received her master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Drexel University Health Sciences Department- Philadelphia. During her graduate degree studies and after graduation, Atçeken worked for the Philadelphia Health Care Management System’s (PHMC) Family Therapy Treatment Program and Thomas Jefferson Hospital’s Family Health Center for 3 years.

After returning to Istanbul, she worked with DBE Institute for Behavioral Studies (Davranış Bilimleri Enstitüsü) with Emre Konuk and Fide Consulting teams with Ümran Korkmazlar for many years.

In 2012, she founded BATE Institute for Individual and Family Therapies (İstanbul) with Tuba Akyüz. Atçeken moved to Antalya in 2016, co-founded Salt Psychology Institute with Özge Berçin.

She also takes part in academic research projects, presents in national and international conferences and works in the field for EMDR- HAP (Humanitarian Assistance Program) when an emergency disaster happens, and early trauma intervention is needed.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

I was born in Istanbul, Turkey and I was the first child in my family. I have a brother who is 4 years younger than I, he is currently living in San Francisco and working there as an industrial designer. My father is an architect, MA and is still working, and my mother is a retired banker. I had a lovely and wholesome childhood, in a loving, caring and supportive family atmosphere — where the only downfall was that my parents worked a lot, meaning I had to learn to be self- sufficient, strong and independent from a very early age.

What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.

Leading up to working at WeCure, my career path was a little indirect. I would be lying if I were to tell you that I have always wanted to be a psychotherapist. Throughout my childhood and adolescent years, I always wanted to be a painter. Drawing was more than a hobby for me and I wanted to pursue a career in arts. In addition to that, I used to love role playing being a teacher when I was a child, and I used to teach my dolls. Sadly, during some difficult exam years at high school, I became detached from my creative side, which put me on an academic path.

I thought about pursuing an art career later in life, but another path that tapped into the healer in me came along, and I have never regretted choosing it.

I started studying Psychology in college, and I enjoyed it very much. It quickly became my passion, and triggered a lot of curiosity, contentment and satisfaction for me as a student. I didn’t want to be a ‘psychotherapist’ to begin with, but the course taught me more about myself and what I wanted to achieve. And I gained a lot of varied experience. For the first year my interest was more in Industrial and Organizational Psychology, and in the summer, I went for an internship in the Human Resources department of a very prestigious bank in Turkey. For the second year, I wanted to explore Advertising, which was of great interest to me, especially after the consumer behaviour classes I took whilst in college. I participated in internships in Istanbul’s two very successful advertising agencies. However, sadly it wasn’t for me. In my third year, I took more clinical courses, and worked as an assistant for my marriage and family therapy class professor. During my senior year, I applied and got the Fulbright Scholarship for Marriage and Family Therapy at Drexel University, Philadelphia, USA. Before I travelled to the USA, I decided to take a gap year, and I worked to gain more experience. I got the chance to work as an assistant to Mr. Emre Konuk, who is a pioneer in the psychology field in Turkey.

When considering a career path, I strongly suggest that people get to know the path they want to walk first. Even though theoretical information is beneficial, experiencing it in person is the best way to learn. I learned through exploring the field in depth, as well as talking to, and meeting people in that profession, asking in depth questions, and gaining first-hand experience. It’s as important to learn what isn’t right for you, as much as what is. At the end of the day, I tapped into the artist side of me through speaking and writing opportunities, realising my childhood dream indirectly but sufficiently.

None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?

I am incredibly fortunate to have not one, but several people supporting, encouraging and inspiring me on a regular basis. These people have shaped who I am, both personally and professionally.

My mother has always supported and trusted me, giving me lots of space to explore who I am, which meant I learned a lot about myself.

In the highly collectivistic Turkish society ‘what others think and tell’ is very important. There is a lot of verbal but mostly nonverbal pressure on many of us, especially as women. So, as a woman, the space my mother provided helped me to flourish.

My father also did his best to support my education and encouraged me to pursue my master’s degree in the United States. His encouragement gave me the courage to travel and study there, otherwise I don’t think I would have done it. (I remember crying the entire journey to the states as I missed everyone so much and was so nervous.)

As an AFS Intercultural Program scholar himself (in 1964, Illinois, Chicago), he knew how transforming it is for a young mind to be self-sufficient, in order to become accomplished and survive so far away from your family’s protective wings.

Away from family, my supervisor at Drexel University, Cathi Tillman was my first role model as a therapist. She became my mentor, my mother, and my wise woman. I learnt a lot from her both professionally and also from her beautiful, caring, compassionate, wise, and very sharp presence. Emre Konuk, Vivi Soryano and Ayten Zara, my supervisors and role models in my career path also mean a lot to me.

And lastly, my grandmother (90 years old) and her sister (93) have very much shaped my future and older self and given me goals of who I want to be. They have always been diligent, full of life energy, highly social, never quit learning, very compassionate, loving and spiritual. I feel very lucky to have such wonderful role models from the elderly generation.

Once, I visited my grandmother, and it turned out that we were both reading the same book, “It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle” by Mark Wolynn. We started a very long, pleasant conversation and she told me the very details of our family history which gave me a chance to learn family traumas and work on them later in my individual therapy process.

Another touching story for me — one day, 3 years ago, my grandmother’s sister called me crying. I worried at the moment but then she told me that she was being hosted by a very good friend and she was so impressed by the Bosphorus scenery of the house that she couldn’t hold her tears of gratitude in any longer (Istanbul, Bosphorus is truly a gorgeous view by the way) . That phone call taught me a lot about gratitude and of the passion for life. This moment will always stay with me.

Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?

This question is very apt, as it was literally one mistake that shaped my entire career course. In Turkey, when I was a senior high school student, we had to take 2 exams and before receiving the results, we listed our university and department choices and then, according to our scores we would be placed with matching departments. I was very indecisive, but I wanted to study Political Sciences because it was very popular those days, and Psychology was not so popular, but I still added it on my list. I took the exam, and it went very well, and I was excited to study Political Sciences. The results came in, and due to making “one mistake” within the exam, it meant I was placed in the Middle East Technical University (which is one of Turkey’s Ivy League universities) Psychology Department instead of Political Sciences.

I have always been so thankful to that ‘one mistake’ because I would probably have hated studying Political Sciences, and definitely wouldn’t have followed it as a career path. And psychology has become my passion. What I strongly believe is that no matter how hard we work for something, sometimes the universe intervenes and puts you on the right path, even if you don’t see it right away. If something didn’t happen as I wanted to despite my efforts during times of my life, I would always wait patiently for the good to come out of it. That was the biggest lesson I have learned from that ‘one mistake’.

Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

There have been several books that have had an impact on my life, at different stages, but the first ones that resonated with me were ‘Escape From Freedom’, ‘the Art of Loving’, and ‘The Art of Being’ by the American psychoanalyst and philosopher Erich Fromm.

I’m also heavily influenced by ‘The School for Gods’ by the Italian writer Stefano D’Anna, and ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ by the Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher and Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl.

The common point that they all have, is that they all forced me to think outside the box, and change my perspective. What we are taught and imposed all our lives by our families, society and authority, as well as by ourselves influences our thoughts, feelings, life style, our choices in life and how we define ourselves and we need to be aware of our inner world. That journey of searching for my true self has become my ‘Individual Revolution’ and as D’Anna states, “There is a cause-effect relationship between inner life and external world, between Timelessness and Time. All what we feel, all our passions, thoughts and fantasies, our hopes, ambitions, secrets, memories and imaginations, fears and uncertainties and all our sensations, attractions, desires, loves and aversions belong to the impalpable, but very real world of Being. The level of our Being can make us wealthy or poor, can make us happy or miserable. Our being creates our life”.

Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does that resonate with you so much?

My favorite quote is “Less is more — Ludwig Mies van der Rohe”. Even though it is first quoted by the famous architect for architecture, it resonates a lot in my life.

In parallel with that, I am a minimalist, and I try to simplify as much as my life as possible. Even though it has caused a lot of stress in our lives, the pandemic has allowed me to pursue a simpler life. I am decluttering my house, my documents, my computer, giving away my old and never worn clothes, sorting through kitchen utensils, accessories, and more importantly valuing my time a lot more. I am trying to set boundaries for my work life, and in my relationships, prioritizing time I spend with my family and friends. Minimizing is incredibly difficult, and can be an uncomfortable process, but it’s important. Getting rid of unwanted labels, and things that weigh me down — sometimes unknowingly is a fantastic release, and much needed in these times.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?

EMDR National Associations (Europe, United States, Asia etc.) all over the world have Humanitarian Assistance Programs (HAP). The humanitarian help has been there for people in need since 1995 when Francine Shapiro, the mother of EMDR Therapy, realized her dreams about setting up a humanitarian help program after a massive bombing of a public house in Oklahoma, USA where 168 people were killed and 800 injured. EMDR Therapists from different countries volunteer and help each other when there’s a natural or sometimes manmade disaster; terror attacks like 9/11, Tsunami disaster in South Asia, the Bangladesh Earthquake, plane crashes, Catharina Storm etc .

This is also how Turkey became acquainted with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy. Dozens of therapists from all around the world flocked to Turkey in 1999, to help earthquake survivors and trained mental health workers about EMDR Therapy. I am also one of the therapists, trainers and supervisors of EMDR Turkey HAP. When the pandemic hit us in March, we got organized very quickly. We started offering online therapy, and early trauma interventions. A wonderful application system was set up and in just 15 days, with 500 volunteer EMDR mental health workers providing online therapy for thousands of people who were debilitated from the beginnings of the pandemic.

Then the explosion in Lebanon happened, and then the Earthquake in İzmir. Our research and many others show the importance of early interventions in improving people’s mental health and preventing further emotional and psychological damage. We are continuing to provide online help and support to people all around the world.

Online therapies are certainly not new, but the pandemic has changed the way people can access support and opened up a global pool of mental health professionals. I have been providing online therapy since 2015, since moving from Istanbul to Antalya, and it meant I could continue working with my patients. I have clients and supervises from all over the world.

I am very proud to be part of it and this is very exciting for me to be able to reach, and help so many people, in these ironically withdrawn and isolated times. When trauma workers are in the field, there are not many resources available. So, we learn to adapt to whatever the situation requires, and I strongly believe that this also transfers into everyday life.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the core focus of our interview. In this interview series we’d like to discuss cultivating wellness habits in four areas of our lives, Mental wellness, Physical wellness, Emotional wellness, & Spiritual wellness. Let’s dive deeper into these together. Based on your research or experience, can you share with our readers three good habits that can lead to optimum mental wellness? Please share a story or example for each.

As a psychotherapist I have always been interested in emotional, physical and mental wellness. The miraculous human system has always fascinated me, especially since I have been deepening my knowledge and clinical practice into body and brain-oriented psychotherapies like EMDR Therapy, Somatic Experiencing Therapy and Mindfulness oriented approaches. Mind and body work together to provide our wellness in life, we cannot separate one from the other. We need to take good care of our body to improve our brain and nervous system function. We need to take care of the inside, even more so than the outside, and it’s so important that we get in touch with our emotions, face our fears, notice our autopilot cognitive biases and distortions so that we have a better motivation, and understanding to take care of our bodies.

Based on research and my personal and clinical experience, the following 3 habits are of utmost importance and have a broader impact on our mental wellbeing:

1. Mindfulness; mindfulness means being aware of the moment — and understanding what is happening around us and within our world. Acknowledging our thoughts and choices and observing them without judging. Most of us live fast paced and hectic lives, with countless distractions, and our minds wander all of the time. Research shows that our minds wander on average 46.9 % of the time, and most of the time we are on autopilot. This isn’t bad, but we do have to align ourselves in order to learn to switch off and appreciate what is around us.

Mindfulness is to the brain and mind what exercise is to the body. It is a state of mind which can be cultivated with mindfulness practices and meditations.

I recommend practicing mindfulness meditation everyday (in the morning to start the new day and in the evening to get some rest and prepare for sleep). Meditate for approximately 5–20 minutes. As you master the practice, pay attention to your actions, your environment and the moment, using your 5 senses. Alongside meditation, eat mindfully, take a shower mindfully, walk in the woods, stare at the ocean and spend time in nature. Note your experiences when practicing mindfulness, and when your mind wanders — always coming back to your center the moment as soon as you realize. You can always use your breathing to come back to the moment as soon as you realize that your mind wanders. You will soon notice that you’re here and now experience improves and you are more compassionate towards yourself.

Mindfulness practices strengthen our mind, and improves focus, memory, productivity, creativity. It helps the stress systems of our body calm down, regulate our nervous system so we can think more clearly, and it also boosts our immune system. At the end of the day we’ll have a better social life and stronger, more enjoyable relationships.

2. Always keep learning! Use it or lose it, we have a very plastic brain that has a capacity to form new neural connections as we use it — or lose them if we don’t. There is no age for new learning. Research shows that learning new things can slow ageing of the cognitive brain functions which has many benefits like staying active in life, being more self-sufficient and having a better mood in return. Furthermore, learning new things cultivates curiosity, and allows us to tap into our younger self, bringing new life energy, satisfaction and helps us formulate stronger relationships. I recommend getting a new hobby, learning a new language, and deepening your knowledge of a particular topic you already enjoy. Share your knowledge with your peers, exchanging information and encouraging discussions with people who are also interested in those topics. Usually children are the best learners and the most curious ones, unfortunately we lose that curiosity as we age. We replace it with limitations, restrictions, and labels. Never lose touch with your inner child!

3. Have daily routines and a balanced, regular life. Of course, being too obsessive and scheduling, and planning everything is not desirable because that would kill all spontaneity. Spontaneity is what breathes new life for me. However interestingly, we need a framework for freedom and creativity. Recently, I have been reading a book by Mason Currey on the “Daily Routines” of the big creators and how they make time and find inspiration to get to work. Those artists, writers, composers, movie directors, painters and scientists from the 16th-20th century have one thing in common — they all have very strict daily routines.

These routines usually consist of working at the same time of the day, in the same space, and eating and drinking mostly similar things, walking or exercising daily, and setting clear goals for their creative processes. Henry Miller, the famous novelist, states that even though 2–3 working hours a day would be enough for him, in order to have a creative rhythm, one needs to follow a consistent hourly schedule. In order to continue the true intuitive moments, one needs to be very self-disciplined and have a well-disciplined life. For instance, the author William Faulkner would try to write at least 3.000 words a day and sometimes would write even more but not less as his goal.

Some of them had other jobs but they would consistently spend time on their writing, painting and inventing. Most of their big ideas came when they were in their most creative states. Many memorable books and art pieces have been created out of consistency and routine — three sentences or one page a day makes a wonderful novel at the end of the year.

Quality of life breathes quantity of life.

Do you have a specific type of meditation practice or Yoga practice that you have found helpful? We’d love to hear about it.

I have been practicing Transcendental Meditation (TM) and mindfulness. I have also been practicing yoga regularly even though I had to give it a break recently because of a spinal operation I got last year. I will go back to yoga as soon as my doctor says it is okay to do so.

I believe a psychotherapist needs to have a calm nervous system and needs to find ways to return to their center, even in times of panic or crisis. It’s a practice what you preach syndrome. The therapist needs to hold the space for their client, and our nervous systems need to resonate with each other at all times. It is important to create a holding capacity. Also, we often accompany our clients into very emotional, dark tunnels, and we need to be in a position to support, hold and be there for them whilst maintaining an anchor of safety and neutrality.

In order to achieve this, we need to take good care of ourselves, both mentally and physically. We cannot provide what we don’t have.

When I am supporting my clients, and helping them to learn new, and better ways to regulate their behaviours, I need to be able to practice it myself. Our responses in a session can be dictated by our bodies, more than what we say, so we need to be calm and collected at all times to make the client feel comfortable and stable. I sometimes believe that how we look after ourselves is more important than the diplomas we have on our walls. We need to be able to walk the walk, as much as talk the talk.

To sum up, my meditation practices help me develop a closer relationship with my body and instincts, as well as my reactions. I have learned to be more compassionate, not to judge, and to be serene. I also feel more connected with the universe and accept it as it is.

Thank you for that. Can you share three good habits that can lead to optimum physical wellness? Please share a story or example for each.

1. Eating healthy foods and exercising.

Taking good care of our body is essential in achieving good, strong physical fitness and wellbeing. We are what we eat, and in order to keep a good balance of our internal body system, eating good food is important. Furthermore, moving our body helps us balance our blood sugar levels, related hormone systems, it improves our cardiac and respiratory system, and produces a better functioning organ system. When our body, internal organs, muscles and gland systems work properly, we are more optimistic, productive and have better mental health. We also have more energy, which makes us more active. It all comes full circle.

Think of your body as a high-quality car with an optimum natural engine, so the gasoline we use to help it function as it should is very important. If we use a low-quality gasoline, it may stay on the road, but it won’t run at the pace you need it to. Adding the right fuel, means you get the best results. And if you leave your car in the garage, stagnant, it will eventually oxidize. So, it needs to run frequently for better functioning.

2. Healthy sleep patterns. Sleep plays a very important role in our health and physical wellness. Sleep allows our body to heal, rest and refresh from all of the damage done during the day, and helps reset the heart, blood vessels, muscles and gland systems. Sleep deficiencies are linked with kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, decreased stress tolerance, concentration, memory functions, learning disabilities, and depression. Also, during sleep, our brain heals and repairs itself too and improves our ability to learn. Our brain also heals from the impact of our traumatic experiences during sleep, our memories are processed, we learn from the experience and the memory functionally becomes part of our neural memory network system. That means our brain also heals itself like our body does and sleep is very important.

So, try to stick to a sleep routine; go to bed no later than 11pm and wake up around 8am latest. Of course, there are biorhythm differences in individuals, some are early birds, where others are night owls, so work to your body clock as naturally as possible.

Sleep routines don’t just depend on what time you go to bed however. You need to relax before bedtime. Meditation, yoga and stretching are key in relaxing your body and mind. Also, avoid screens and blue lights, and stimulating materials such as work or scary movies that will work your mind up. And cut caffeine out 5–6 hours and avoid eating 2–3 hours before your bedtime.

3. Challenging your body system for resilience. Our brain manages our body and all of its functions. It gets information from our body and the environment all the time and then evaluates them for its benefit and protection. When we exercise, our internal organs, sensory organs, muscles, and skeletal system send neural information to the brain. Whatever we practice, our body adapts to it and our brain develops accordingly — similar to machine learning and algorithms. Part of it is ‘motor learning’, which only happens by practice and involves involuntary and unconscious parts of the brain too. As we practice more, the whole system improves.

Motor learning is a great example of how our mind and body are linked. There is a wonderful molecule in the brain that manages those developments; ‘Brain derived Neurotrophic Factor’ (BDNF). The BDNF is the brain’s adaptation molecule that manages the development, functions and protection from harmful and damaging illness effects, increasing resilience and metabolism of brain cells. It also increases the communication speed and quality of brain cell synapses responsible for change and adaptation. So, as we exercise we learn, concentrate, perceive the environment better, become more productive, become more resilient and get rid of our anxiety and depression. The relationship between mind and body strengthens. To sum it up, it is a very good idea to challenge our body little by little without abusing it, in order to activate the BDNF. Consult your doctor if you suffer from a health problem but don’t be afraid to push yourself further each time. The combination of all kinds of exercise throughout our lives is beneficial, from High Intensity Interval Training like running, kickboxing to brisk walking, stretching exercises, muscle strength training, team sports, dancing, rock climbing and swimming.

Do you have any particular thoughts about healthy eating? We all know that it’s important to eat more vegetables, eat less sugar, etc. But while we know it intellectually, it’s often difficult to put it into practice and make it a part of our daily habits. In your opinion what are the main blockages that prevent us from taking the information that we all know, and integrating it into our lives?

Everyone knows it’s important to eat healthily, but healthy means something different for everyone. And everybody is different, and we respond to different foods in different ways.

But it is incredibly important to eat well, in order to nourish our bodies and minds. And I say ‘well’ over ‘healthy’, as our bodies don’t always want or need plates of fruit and vegetables, instead craving for something a little more indulgent.

I believe in everything in moderation, and I certainly don’t recommend diets unless it is medically necessary. We have the term ‘soul food’ for a reason, as food feeds our soul, and it gives us a life energy that we can’t find anywhere else. It’s also the same reason we need to keep hydrated throughout the day, noting the proven effects that water has on our physical and mental health.

Though vegetables, fruit and much needed vitamins are vital in any healthy diet, sometimes we just need a piece of cake, or ice cream or a takeaway, and this is ok — as long as it’s in moderation and we are eating for positive and wholesome reasons. Food is very much connected to our mental health, and when we ‘eat our feelings’, this can make us feel worse, and in extreme cases, can lead to food addictions. When we eat to be happy, or are simply feeling like having a treat, this will instantly boost our mood and make us feel good. But it’s important to not feel guilty in these cases, as you are simply given your body what it needs at that moment.

There are several reasons why people don’t stick to healthy eating. The main one is time. We just don’t make time for it. Unlike a takeaway or a quick sandwich or packet of crisps, making healthy food can take time. Our lives get so busy that many people even skip meals, which is just as bad for us and can lead to mood swings, lack of focus and fatigue. Timing is a reason that diets or eating plans don’t often work — because we don’t find the time to stick to them. We do them sporadically, and then don’t see results so become exasperated with them, and give up. It’s incredibly important that we make time for healthy eating on a regular basis.

Another reason is accessibility. Many people are unable to afford high quality or organic products, and will choose cheaper, more processed alternatives, which aren’t good for us, but we think they are. Even food delivery food subscription services are inaccessible for many. Supermarkets are doing more to tackle this, but with so many people relying on food-banks, with this set to increase due to covid, it is going to be harder for many people to access good quality foods, leading to further health and mental health disorders in the future as their bodies, mind and soul are undernourished.

We also live in an instant society, and want everything now. This means, people will choose to opt for take aways, microwave meals or easy snacks, instead of full homemade meals or healthy snacks in order to fit in with their busy lives. We are prioritizing our schedules, work, and lifestyles over eating healthily and this will have huge negative effects on our mental and physical health.

Can you share three good habits that can lead to optimum emotional wellness? Please share a story or example for each.

1. Be aware of your emotions instead of ignoring and avoiding them. People who are emotionally healthy and strong are, at the best of times in control of their thoughts, feelings and behaviors and can react to any situation in the best possible way. That sense of control comes with awareness first, followed by courage and practice.

Emotions convey important information from our internal monologues and they all have a function. For instance, fear protects us from getting hurt and teaches us to survive, where shame and guilt help us to learn from our mistakes, and inadequacy encourages personal growth.

Naturally, we will avoid unpleasant feelings, and unconsciously develop cognitive, behavioral and bodily defence mechanisms against feelings, which can stop us processing them. It can be through rationalizations we tell ourselves (I would be more successful if I had a better childhood), or in actions such as overeating (I’m so angry, let me calm myself down with a huge chocolate), or addictions (I feel so unworthy, let me drink or get high and forget about it…for now…). It can also manifest in our professional life, working ourselves to the bone and burning ourselves out. (I need to work till late at night, so that I will not feel depressed and lonely and keep myself in control). Sometimes, we even use relationships to avoid certain feelings (I should never be lonely, because I don’t know who I am and I’m afraid that if I get to know myself better, I will be excluded from the society). There are even instances where chronic pain acts as our body’s defence against feeling emotions we don’t want to face or we don’t know how to deal with — (I run away from my sadness but my head aches all the time to keep that emotion away). Let’s not forget that those processes are all unconscious and sometimes even during in depth therapy comes out in the long run.

Emotions are like waves, there is always a beginning, a middle and an ending. The neuroanatomist Dr. Jill Bolt Taylor states that emotions last 90 seconds, in which there is an emotional chemical reaction in the body. What keeps them there longer are our thoughts and the meanings we attach to them, giving them life. And the amount of time a feeling settles in the body, depends on the attention we give it, and how we cope with it. A negative feeling will tend to linger over positive feelings due to the meaning we attach to them.

I really like the statement made by my Mindfulness teacher Kathy Ward;

R-ecognize the emotion,

A-llow it to be,

I-nvestigate where on the body,

N-atural awareness (don’t analyze or judge).

This is the best way to make peace with our emotions and improve our emotional resilience and tolerance. If you are still having difficulty, I urge you to get help from a mental health professional and explore with them the background of those resistant emotions, traumas and belief systems.

2. Express your emotions. The second path to emotional wellbeing, is letting people in. This can be overwhelming sometimes, but expressing emotions improves our ability to connect with ourselves, and with others. This helps us to build better, stronger, and more satisfactory relationships. It also increases resilience, and improves our problem solving abilities. There is a lot of truth in — a problem shared, is a problem halved. Sharing our emotions also offloads anxieties and stress, and helps fight depression and many other psychological disorders.

If you find it difficult to communicate your feelings, it’s important to notice how you are feeling at particular points — and own it. Once you can accept how and why you are feeling certain emotions, you can then build confidence around sharing with others, and communicate them effectively. It’s a slow process, and isn’t an easy one. Start with your closest friends or family, and start conversations with them -asking for feedback on how to improve your communication skills, and this will eventually make you feel more comfortable sharing with other people. This will improve your confidence and you’ll start sharing and asking for what you need, both in a personal and professional manner.

Journaling is an effective way to help express your feelings, and acknowledge them and how they are manifested. Writing letters is also a good way of expressing to others, and there isn’t an obligation to send them until you feel comfortable to do so.

3. Find purpose and meaning in life. The book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ by the respectable psychiatrist Viktor Frankl has been a huge influence on my life. I became fascinated when I first read it many years ago. In his book, Frankl describes his years in Auschwitz and other Nazi death camps, and being separated from his family. According to his observations of himself and others, he came to understand that the only way he could survive and maintain his sanity was to hold on to a sense of meaning and purpose. He worked on his theory on the importance of meaning mostly secretly during and after his Holocaust experience. He quotes the famous philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche who states, ‘He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how’.

Interestingly, he also warns us that the meaning and purpose in life is not something that we should pursue. He states that it will happen naturally, and reveal itself to us.

For this to happen, it’s important to know who you are, and give yourself the space to explore what feels good, and to experiment, practice and push yourself out of your comfort zone, but understand your boundaries.

Does performing arts make you feel good, or healing people, or teaching, building, inventing or exercise? Our passions will come to us, and we need to follow our instinct and inner voice, and then the meaning and purpose will pursue us.

In brief, finding meaning and purpose in life creates a solid ground for emotional and mental wellbeing. It produces satisfaction, develops self-confidence, improves productivity, and provides bliss, and life energy.

Do you have any particular thoughts about the power of smiling to improve emotional wellness? We’d love to hear it.

Smiling is a great way to improve our mood and this is scientifically proven! Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, which are natural pain killers. Dopamine and serotonin are also released, which act as antidepressants.

These neurotransmitters are very important for our emotional wellness, and the natural chemicals help our body to relax, and reduce physical pain.

Smiling also reduces blood pressure and stress by decreasing cortisol levels, increases endurance and boosts our immune system. Furthermore, smiling is contagious thanks to our mirror neurones which are specialized nerve cells that help people respond to and mimic each other’s behaviors and thus increase empathy. Studies also show that people that smile a lot are more likeable, and desirable, and tend to be more productive at work and make more money. So, start your day with a big smile for more positive outcomes.

Finally, can you share three good habits that can lead to optimum spiritual wellness? Please share a story or example for each.

1. Meditation and yoga are the best ways of connecting with ourselves and thus with the universe. We have a huge connection. We are part of the universe, and being aware of the role we play within it helps us connect with it on a deeper level and surrender. Meditation allows us to do this, and creates a good sense of safety, strength and resilience. Those practices also form a better connection with our bodies and minds, which in turn improves our emotional and mental wellbeing.

2. Praying and affirmations are good ways of allowing us to focus our energy. You don’t need to be religious to pray, as praying also helps us tap into our spirituality and instinct. Our energy flows to wherever we focus our attention, and praying and practicing affirmations helps us connect with something bigger than ourselves, helping us to appreciate our inner and outer selves, and prevents us from taking things for granted. It roots us to our core and makes us humble, and disconnects us from the material. Start and end your day with good intentions, through praying, journaling or talking through our affirmations in the mirror.

3. Practice gratitude in your life. This is a very important habit, and helps us to notice, focus on, and appreciate what we have, rather than what we don’t. When we focus on gratitude and love, we are unable to focus on anxiety, jealousy, resentment and hatred. Being grateful cultivates love and self-compassion. Every day try to find three things to be grateful for and share these with others too. Sharing our gratitude with others improves our relationships and enlightens the space, energy space within them.

Do you have any particular thoughts about how being “in nature” can help us to cultivate spiritual wellness?

Of course, I strongly believe that nature and spirituality is connected and has roots that go deeper than many of us realize. Nature hugely impacts us, as humans, and greatly influences how we cultivate spiritual, as well as emotional and physical wellness. Society has sadly severed these roots, and our connection to them, but it does not mean that we cannot fuse them back together.

Ancient wisdom believes that human beings have five layers of experience: the environment, the physical body, the mind, the intuition, and our self. Being in nature is a total mindful experience, and we form a connection with all of our layers. We become very present, which cultivates our gratitude for the universe and all that it encompasses.

In nature there is no good or bad, things happen, as they should, in natural order…there are sunny days, stormy days…there is life, there is death…and constant change. Sadly, due to the constraints that as humans we have created for ourselves, through society and the material, we have forgotten this, instead led by rules, structure and wants that have squashed our instinctive behaviours and feelings, and natural alignments.

Nature brings us back to us, and reminds us to be humble and embrace the good and bad and not to label anything — nature teaches acceptance. There are all kinds of species, colors, flowers, trees, soil in nature, just like humans. Sometimes what we find disgusting or annoying in nature — like ugly flies or slugs — are actually very important for the homeostasis of the ecosystem. We all live together, adapt to each other and have all the protection our natural body system provides us, just like in nature. Nature just exists, it is as it is, it is precious, it is balanced. That is very inspiring for me.

The closer we live to nature, the more aligned we are with it, and the universe. And we become more balanced. When we move away from nature, we lose touch with it, and most importantly, to our true and authentic self.

Ok, we are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.

I would make mental health therapies accessible to all, and the pandemic has provided a platform to allow this to happen. Online therapies have the power to connect people and therapists around the world, but it is still incredibly restrained. It is either too expensive, or too difficult to access, with long waiting lists or not the right support available.

We need to remove ourselves from the mindset that one therapy fits all, as it simply isn’t the case. There are various different types of therapies available, and we need to create more education and resources to help people understand what they need, and what will work for them. I work, helping people understand their trauma or mental health disorders and help them gain the correct support.

Also, in recent years there is research on Eye movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy showing the impact of intensive therapy processes like 8–15 sessions a week instead of weekly therapies. Bongaerts, van Minnen & de Jong, 2017 examined the safety and effectiveness of intensive EMDR Therapy in a group of seven patients suffering from complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and multiple comorbidities resulting from childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse, and/or work and combat-related trauma. The results propound that an intensive program using EMDR Therapy is a potentially safe and effective treatment alternative for complex PTSD. We need to start looking at more consistent solutions for long term results. One of the EMDR therapy choices we provide a WeCure is a week long, and helps patients get to the bottom of their trauma, how it affects them and find resolution towards an emotionally, behaviorally and psychologically healthier life.

I believe that mental health practitioners need to work with meditators, medical workers, yoga teachers, nutritionists and life coaches to help create more robust, sustainable and all- encompassing services and support.

We are entering a global mental health pandemic caused by covid, and healthcare providers need to start thinking more long term in the form of support and accessibility. It’s time to think outside the box.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them ?

I think it would be a great pleasure to have breakfast with the American professor of medicine and the creator of the Stress Reduction Clinic, and the Center of Mindfulness in medicine, Jon Kabat-Zinn. I once had the honor of listening to his speech at an international conference, and was very impressed. I have read his books, and watched his videos online.

Apart from his spiritual practices, he integrates a lot of his professional practice with research. I really appreciate his work, his presence and the way he integrates mindfulness into the mental health field. I would like to hear his life story, lessons he got from his experience, from him and would love to take part in one of his projects.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

The readers can follow my work on social media by following #saltpsikoloji and www.saltpsikoloji.com/en/. They can also see more of my work, and find out more about my EMDR therapies at https://wecure.co.uk/.

Thank you for these really excellent insights, and we greatly appreciate the time you spent with this. We wish you continued success.

Thank you very much for giving me this opportunity and to be a part of your community.

SIRIN INTERVIEW yazısı ilk önce Salt Psikoloji Enstitüsü üzerinde ortaya çıktı.

Peki ya eğlence dediğimizde, onun da sınırı yok; oyunlar, sohbetler, eğlenceli fotoğraflar ve videolar gibi bir sürü alternatif var.

Para kazanmak gerek, sürekli evde nasıl olacak diye sorduğumuz zamanlar da eskide kaldı. Artık evden çalışma kavramı hayatımıza iyice girdi, bir çok iş internet üzerinden yapılabilir durumda.

Tüm bunların yanında internet üzerinden kendi hayatımızı, anılarımızı, görüşlerimizi takipçilerimizle paylaşıp, arkadaşlarımızı ve hayranı olduğumuz kişileri de takip edebiliyoruz.

Evden çıkmadan sosyalleşmeyi tam bir sosyalleşme sayamayız. Araştırmacılar bunun sanal bir doyum yarattığını, gerçek olmayan kimlikler oluşturulduğunu ve günün sonunda bunun insanları mutsuzlaştırdığını söylüyorlar.

Dünyada internetin ve sosyal medyanın en çok kullanıldığı ülkelerden birinde yaşıyoruz. Bu durum belli avantajlar ve dezavantajlar yaratıyor. Sosyal ve toplumsal açıdan etkileri söz konusu olduğunda şu avantajları sayabiliriz..

• Bir sorunla karşılaştığımızda benzer sorunlarla karşılaşan insanları bulma ve onların deneyimlerinden öğrenme şansımız arttı. Bir bilgisayar sorununu nasıl çözebileceğimizi, aynı sorunu daha önce deneyimlemiş kişilerin yorumlarını okuyarak kolayca bulabiliyoruz.
• Nasıl ulaşacağımızı bilmediğimiz uzmanlıklara ulaşma şansımız arttı. Evimizdeki böcekleri kovmak için bir karışım tarifini kolayca bulabiliyoruz.
• Kayıp çocuk, kan arama, bağış toplama gibi toplumsal yardım gerektiren konularda çok hızlıca iletişim ağıyla binlerce insanı haberdar edebiliyoruz. Sosyal yardımlaşma hızlandı.
• Daha önce hiç gitmediğimiz bir yere nasıl gidilir, nereler gezilebilir, gidince nelere dikkat edilir kolayca öğrenebiliyoruz, bilgiye ulaşım iyice kolaylaştı.
• Network kavramı hayatımıza girdi, bağlantı kurduğumuz kişilerle kontağımızı canlı tutabiliyoruz. İhtiyaç oluştuğunda anında kontak kurabiliyoruz.
• Hiç tanımadığımız insanların bile görüşlerine ulaşır ve onlardan etkilenir olduk, sosyal medya kendi popüler figürlerini yarattı.

Sosyal ve toplumsal açıdan dezavantajları da var.. Dijital dünyada vakit geçiren herkesi aynı şekilde etkileyeceğini söyleyemesek de, en sık karşılaşılması beklenenler şöyle;

• Çok fazla ekran başında vakit geçirmek, aynı ev içinde yaşayan kişileri bile birbirinden uzaklaştırmaya başladı.. Aile içi ilişkiler ve bağlar zayıflamaya, insanları bir arada tutan değerler unutulmaya başlandı. Aile içinde bağ oluşturarak kullanılabilecek zamanı, başkalarının hayatlarını beğenerek geçirmeyi tercih etmek yaygınlaştı.
• Belki de yolda karşılaşılsa hal hatır sormayacak kadar az tanınan insanların hayatlarını takip ederek, üretken geçirilecek zamanlar boşa harcanır oldu. Üretim azalınca tüketim arttı, ihtiyaç duyulmayan şeyler internet üzerinden kolayca sipariş edilir oldu.
• Gerçek hayat deneyimleri kısıtlandı, ekran başında geçirilen vakit, yaratıcılığı, problem çözme becerisini, duygusal zeka gelişimini kısıtladı. Bazı uzmanlar bunu robotlaşma olarak yorumluyor.
• Paylaşımların ne kadar beğenildiğini çok fazla önemsendi, onaylanma ihtiyacı arttı. Sosyal ilişkilerdeki dinamikler, paylaşımları beğendirmek, yorum yapmak ve en çok ilgi çekecek paylaşımı yapmaya çalışmak gibi dinamikler üstüne oturdu. Bu durum sanal bir tatmin yarattığından zamanla insanlar gerçek ilişkilerin ve gerçek desteklenmenin ihtiyacını hissetmeye başladı, yalnızlık duygusu arttı.
• Ekran başında görünmemenin verdiği özgürlüğü kullanmak bir konfor alanı yarattı, gerçek dünyada bu konforu bulamayan bazı kişiler özgüven ve girişken davranış problemleri yaşamaya yatkınlaştı.
• İdealize edilen bir kimlik yaratma şansı yakalandı, oh hayat ne güzel paylaşımları yapmak için bazen sanal kurgular oluşturuldu.
• Takip edilen kişilerin mutlu paylaşımlarını referans alınarak, başkalarında olan kendisinde olmayan şeylerle yetersiz hissedildi. Araştırmacılar genel olarak ekran başında vakit geçiren kişilerin okul gibi başarı ölçülen ortamlarda daha düşük performans gösterdiklerini ve kendilerini daha mutsuz hissettiklerini söylüyorlar.

İyimser yaklaşımla baktığımızda, dijitalleşme hayatımıza inanılmaz bir kolaylık getirdi. Bununla beraber bir geçiş sürecine girdik ve bu teknolojiyi hayatımıza, çalışma şeklimize, ilişkilerimize en ideal şekilde nasıl adapte edebileceğimizi sorguluyoruz.. Güçlü bir kaynak ve teknoloji şu an elimizde. Kahve gibi tükettiğimiz bir çok şeyde az karar çoğu zarar yaklaşımına aşinayız, toplumsal hayatta kişileri sosyal medyada paylaştıkları kadar tanımak ve sosyal medyada paylaşılan kadar bilgiye sahip olmak gibi bir sonuçla karşılaşmak istemiyorsak, dijital teknolojiyi ihtiyacımıza uygun şekilde ve işimize yarayacak kadar kullanma iradesini göstermeyi öğreneceğimizi umuyorum. En azından bu iradeyi göstermeyi öğrenenlerin daha dengeli ve mutlu bir yaşama sahip olacaklarını, bu irade gösterilmediğinde ise internet bağımlılığı gibi rahatsızlıklarla ve mutsuzlukla baş etmeye çalışılacağını tahmin edebiliriz.

Özge BERÇİN
Psikolog – Profesyonel Koç Eğitmen – İK Danışmanı

Dijital dünya ve kendini yönetmek yazısı ilk önce Salt Psikoloji Enstitüsü üzerinde ortaya çıktı.

As a psychotherapist I have always been interested in emotional, physical and mental wellness. The miraculous human system has always fascinated me, especially since I have been deepening my knowledge and clinical practice into body and brain-oriented psychotherapies like EMDR Therapy, Somatic Experiencing Therapy and Mindfulness oriented approaches. Mind and body work together to provide our wellness in life, we cannot separate one from the other. We need to take good care of our body to improve our brain and nervous system function.

Often when we refer to wellness, we assume that we are talking about physical wellbeing. But one can be physically very healthy but still be unwell, emotionally or mentally. What are the steps we can take to cultivate optimal wellness in all areas of our life; to develop Mental, Physical, Emotional, & Spiritual Wellbeing?

As a part of our series about “How We Can Do To Cultivate Our Mental, Physical, Emotional, & Spiritual Wellbeing”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Şirin Atçeken.

Şirin Atçeken is an EMDR Europe Accredited Consultant and Supervisor and specialist at Wecure. She is an EMDR Turkey association board member and an accredited Somatic Experiencing Therapist, as well as the Co-Founder of Salt Psikoloji Enstitüsü.

After graduating from Notre Dame de Sion French Highschool- İstanbul, she got her bachelor’s degree (BA) in ‘Psychology’ from Middle East Technical University (METU) — Ankara. After being qualified for the Fulbright Scholarship, she went to the United States of America (USA) for her higher education. She received her master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Drexel University Health Sciences Department- Philadelphia. During her graduate degree studies and after graduation, Atçeken worked for the Philadelphia Health Care Management System’s (PHMC) Family Therapy Treatment Program and Thomas Jefferson Hospital’s Family Health Center for 3 years.

After returning to Istanbul, she worked with DBE Institute for Behavioral Studies (Davranış Bilimleri Enstitüsü) with Emre Konuk and Fide Consulting teams with Ümran Korkmazlar for many years.

In 2012, she founded BATE Institute for Individual and Family Therapies (İstanbul) with Tuba Akyüz. Atçeken moved to Antalya in 2016, co-founded Salt Psychology Institute with Özge Berçin.

She also takes part in academic research projects, presents in national and international conferences and works in the field for EMDR- HAP (Humanitarian Assistance Program) when an emergency disaster happens, and early trauma intervention is needed.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

Iwas born in Istanbul, Turkey and I was the first child in my family. I have a brother who is 4 years younger than I, he is currently living in San Francisco and working there as an industrial designer. My father is an architect, MA and is still working, and my mother is a retired banker. I had a lovely and wholesome childhood, in a loving, caring and supportive family atmosphere — where the only downfall was that my parents worked a lot, meaning I had to learn to be self- sufficient, strong and independent from a very early age.

What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.

Leading up to working at WeCure, my career path was a little indirect. I would be lying if I were to tell you that I have always wanted to be a psychotherapist. Throughout my childhood and adolescent years, I always wanted to be a painter. Drawing was more than a hobby for me and I wanted to pursue a career in arts. In addition to that, I used to love role playing being a teacher when I was a child, and I used to teach my dolls. Sadly, during some difficult exam years at high school, I became detached from my creative side, which put me on an academic path.

I thought about pursuing an art career later in life, but another path that tapped into the healer in me came along, and I have never regretted choosing it.

I started studying Psychology in college, and I enjoyed it very much. It quickly became my passion, and triggered a lot of curiosity, contentment and satisfaction for me as a student. I didn’t want to be a ‘psychotherapist’ to begin with, but the course taught me more about myself and what I wanted to achieve. And I gained a lot of varied experience. For the first year my interest was more in Industrial and Organizational Psychology, and in the summer, I went for an internship in the Human Resources department of a very prestigious bank in Turkey. For the second year, I wanted to explore Advertising, which was of great interest to me, especially after the consumer behaviour classes I took whilst in college. I participated in internships in Istanbul’s two very successful advertising agencies. However, sadly it wasn’t for me. In my third year, I took more clinical courses, and worked as an assistant for my marriage and family therapy class professor. During my senior year, I applied and got the Fulbright Scholarship for Marriage and Family Therapy at Drexel University, Philadelphia, USA. Before I travelled to the USA, I decided to take a gap year, and I worked to gain more experience. I got the chance to work as an assistant to Mr. Emre Konuk, who is a pioneer in the psychology field in Turkey.

When considering a career path, I strongly suggest that people get to know the path they want to walk first. Even though theoretical information is beneficial, experiencing it in person is the best way to learn. I learned through exploring the field in depth, as well as talking to, and meeting people in that profession, asking in depth questions, and gaining first-hand experience. It’s as important to learn what isn’t right for you, as much as what is. At the end of the day, I tapped into the artist side of me through speaking and writing opportunities, realising my childhood dream indirectly but sufficiently.

None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?

I am incredibly fortunate to have not one, but several people supporting, encouraging and inspiring me on a regular basis. These people have shaped who I am, both personally and professionally.

My mother has always supported and trusted me, giving me lots of space to explore who I am, which meant I learned a lot about myself.

In the highly collectivistic Turkish society ‘what others think and tell’ is very important. There is a lot of verbal but mostly nonverbal pressure on many of us, especially as women. So, as a woman, the space my mother provided helped me to flourish.

My father also did his best to support my education and encouraged me to pursue my master’s degree in the United States. His encouragement gave me the courage to travel and study there, otherwise I don’t think I would have done it. (I remember crying the entire journey to the states as I missed everyone so much and was so nervous.)

As an AFS Intercultural Program scholar himself (in 1964, Illinois, Chicago), he knew how transforming it is for a young mind to be self-sufficient, in order to become accomplished and survive so far away from your family’s protective wings.

Away from family, my supervisor at Drexel University, Cathi Tillman was my first role model as a therapist. She became my mentor, my mother, and my wise woman. I learnt a lot from her both professionally and also from her beautiful, caring, compassionate, wise, and very sharp presence. Emre Konuk, Vivi Soryano and Ayten Zara, my supervisors and role models in my career path also mean a lot to me.

And lastly, my grandmother (90 years old) and her sister (93) have very much shaped my future and older self and given me goals of who I want to be. They have always been diligent, full of life energy, highly social, never quit learning, very compassionate, loving and spiritual. I feel very lucky to have such wonderful role models from the elderly generation.

Once, I visited my grandmother, and it turned out that we were both reading the same book, “It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle” by Mark Wolynn. We started a very long, pleasant conversation and she told me the very details of our family history which gave me a chance to learn family traumas and work on them later in my individual therapy process.

Another touching story for me — one day, 3 years ago, my grandmother’s sister called me crying. I worried at the moment but then she told me that she was being hosted by a very good friend and she was so impressed by the Bosphorus scenery of the house that she couldn’t hold her tears of gratitude in any longer (Istanbul, Bosphorus is truly a gorgeous view by the way) . That phone call taught me a lot about gratitude and of the passion for life. This moment will always stay with me.

Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?

This question is very apt, as it was literally one mistake that shaped my entire career course. In Turkey, when I was a senior high school student, we had to take 2 exams and before receiving the results, we listed our university and department choices and then, according to our scores we would be placed with matching departments. I was very indecisive, but I wanted to study Political Sciences because it was very popular those days, and Psychology was not so popular, but I still added it on my list. I took the exam, and it went very well, and I was excited to study Political Sciences. The results came in, and due to making “one mistake” within the exam, it meant I was placed in the Middle East Technical University (which is one of Turkey’s Ivy League universities) Psychology Department instead of Political Sciences.

I have always been so thankful to that ‘one mistake’ because I would probably have hated studying Political Sciences, and definitely wouldn’t have followed it as a career path. And psychology has become my passion. What I strongly believe is that no matter how hard we work for something, sometimes the universe intervenes and puts you on the right path, even if you don’t see it right away. If something didn’t happen as I wanted to despite my efforts during times of my life, I would always wait patiently for the good to come out of it. That was the biggest lesson I have learned from that ‘one mistake’.

Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

There have been several books that have had an impact on my life, at different stages, but the first ones that resonated with me were ‘Escape From Freedom’, ‘the Art of Loving’, and ‘The Art of Being’ by the American psychoanalyst and philosopher Erich Fromm.

I’m also heavily influenced by ‘The School for Gods’ by the Italian writer Stefano D’Anna, and ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ by the Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher and Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl.

The common point that they all have, is that they all forced me to think outside the box, and change my perspective. What we are taught and imposed all our lives by our families, society and authority, as well as by ourselves influences our thoughts, feelings, life style, our choices in life and how we define ourselves and we need to be aware of our inner world. That journey of searching for my true self has become my ‘Individual Revolution’ and as D’Anna states, “There is a cause-effect relationship between inner life and external world, between Timelessness and Time. All what we feel, all our passions, thoughts and fantasies, our hopes, ambitions, secrets, memories and imaginations, fears and uncertainties and all our sensations, attractions, desires, loves and aversions belong to the impalpable, but very real world of Being. The level of our Being can make us wealthy or poor, can make us happy or miserable. Our being creates our life”.

Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does that resonate with you so much?

My favorite quote is “Less is more — Ludwig Mies van der Rohe”. Even though it is first quoted by the famous architect for architecture, it resonates a lot in my life.

In parallel with that, I am a minimalist, and I try to simplify as much as my life as possible. Even though it has caused a lot of stress in our lives, the pandemic has allowed me to pursue a simpler life. I am decluttering my house, my documents, my computer, giving away my old and never worn clothes, sorting through kitchen utensils, accessories, and more importantly valuing my time a lot more. I am trying to set boundaries for my work life, and in my relationships, prioritizing time I spend with my family and friends. Minimizing is incredibly difficult, and can be an uncomfortable process, but it’s important. Getting rid of unwanted labels, and things that weigh me down — sometimes unknowingly is a fantastic release, and much needed in these times.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?

EMDR National Associations (Europe, United States, Asia etc.) all over the world have Humanitarian Assistance Programs (HAP). The humanitarian help has been there for people in need since 1995 when Francine Shapiro, the mother of EMDR Therapy, realized her dreams about setting up a humanitarian help program after a massive bombing of a public house in Oklahoma, USA where 168 people were killed and 800 injured. EMDR Therapists from different countries volunteer and help each other when there’s a natural or sometimes manmade disaster; terror attacks like 9/11, Tsunami disaster in South Asia, the Bangladesh Earthquake, plane crashes, Catharina Storm etc .

This is also how Turkey became acquainted with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy. Dozens of therapists from all around the world flocked to Turkey in 1999, to help earthquake survivors and trained mental health workers about EMDR Therapy. I am also one of the therapists, trainers and supervisors of EMDR Turkey HAP. When the pandemic hit us in March, we got organized very quickly. We started offering online therapy, and early trauma interventions. A wonderful application system was set up and in just 15 days, with 500 volunteer EMDR mental health workers providing online therapy for thousands of people who were debilitated from the beginnings of the pandemic.

Then the explosion in Lebanon happened, and then the Earthquake in İzmir. Our research and many others show the importance of early interventions in improving people’s mental health and preventing further emotional and psychological damage. We are continuing to provide online help and support to people all around the world.

Online therapies are certainly not new, but the pandemic has changed the way people can access support and opened up a global pool of mental health professionals. I have been providing online therapy since 2015, since moving from Istanbul to Antalya, and it meant I could continue working with my patients. I have clients and supervises from all over the world.

I am very proud to be part of it and this is very exciting for me to be able to reach, and help so many people, in these ironically withdrawn and isolated times. When trauma workers are in the field, there are not many resources available. So, we learn to adapt to whatever the situation requires, and I strongly believe that this also transfers into everyday life.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the core focus of our interview. In this interview series we’d like to discuss cultivating wellness habits in four areas of our lives, Mental wellness, Physical wellness, Emotional wellness, & Spiritual wellness. Let’s dive deeper into these together. Based on your research or experience, can you share with our readers three good habits that can lead to optimum mental wellness? Please share a story or example for each.

As a psychotherapist I have always been interested in emotional, physical and mental wellness. The miraculous human system has always fascinated me, especially since I have been deepening my knowledge and clinical practice into body and brain-oriented psychotherapies like EMDR Therapy, Somatic Experiencing Therapy and Mindfulness oriented approaches. Mind and body work together to provide our wellness in life, we cannot separate one from the other. We need to take good care of our body to improve our brain and nervous system function. We need to take care of the inside, even more so than the outside, and it’s so important that we get in touch with our emotions, face our fears, notice our autopilot cognitive biases and distortions so that we have a better motivation, and understanding to take care of our bodies.

Based on research and my personal and clinical experience, the following 3 habits are of utmost importance and have a broader impact on our mental wellbeing:

1. Mindfulness; mindfulness means being aware of the moment — and understanding what is happening around us and within our world. Acknowledging our thoughts and choices and observing them without judging. Most of us live fast paced and hectic lives, with countless distractions, and our minds wander all of the time. Research shows that our minds wander on average 46.9 % of the time, and most of the time we are on autopilot. This isn’t bad, but we do have to align ourselves in order to learn to switch off and appreciate what is around us.

Mindfulness is to the brain and mind what exercise is to the body. It is a state of mind which can be cultivated with mindfulness practices and meditations.

I recommend practicing mindfulness meditation everyday (in the morning to start the new day and in the evening to get some rest and prepare for sleep). Meditate for approximately 5–20 minutes. As you master the practice, pay attention to your actions, your environment and the moment, using your 5 senses. Alongside meditation, eat mindfully, take a shower mindfully, walk in the woods, stare at the ocean and spend time in nature. Note your experiences when practicing mindfulness, and when your mind wanders — always coming back to your center the moment as soon as you realize. You can always use your breathing to come back to the moment as soon as you realize that your mind wanders. You will soon notice that you’re here and now experience improves and you are more compassionate towards yourself.

Mindfulness practices strengthen our mind, and improves focus, memory, productivity, creativity. It helps the stress systems of our body calm down, regulate our nervous system so we can think more clearly, and it also boosts our immune system. At the end of the day we’ll have a better social life and stronger, more enjoyable relationships.

2. Always keep learning! Use it or lose it, we have a very plastic brain that has a capacity to form new neural connections as we use it — or lose them if we don’t. There is no age for new learning. Research shows that learning new things can slow ageing of the cognitive brain functions which has many benefits like staying active in life, being more self-sufficient and having a better mood in return. Furthermore, learning new things cultivates curiosity, and allows us to tap into our younger self, bringing new life energy, satisfaction and helps us formulate stronger relationships. I recommend getting a new hobby, learning a new language, and deepening your knowledge of a particular topic you already enjoy. Share your knowledge with your peers, exchanging information and encouraging discussions with people who are also interested in those topics. Usually children are the best learners and the most curious ones, unfortunately we lose that curiosity as we age. We replace it with limitations, restrictions, and labels. Never lose touch with your inner child!

3. Have daily routines and a balanced, regular life. Of course, being too obsessive and scheduling, and planning everything is not desirable because that would kill all spontaneity. Spontaneity is what breathes new life for me. However interestingly, we need a framework for freedom and creativity. Recently, I have been reading a book by Mason Currey on the “Daily Routines” of the big creators and how they make time and find inspiration to get to work. Those artists, writers, composers, movie directors, painters and scientists from the 16th-20th century have one thing in common — they all have very strict daily routines.

These routines usually consist of working at the same time of the day, in the same space, and eating and drinking mostly similar things, walking or exercising daily, and setting clear goals for their creative processes. Henry Miller, the famous novelist, states that even though 2–3 working hours a day would be enough for him, in order to have a creative rhythm, one needs to follow a consistent hourly schedule. In order to continue the true intuitive moments, one needs to be very self-disciplined and have a well-disciplined life. For instance, the author William Faulkner would try to write at least 3.000 words a day and sometimes would write even more but not less as his goal.

Some of them had other jobs but they would consistently spend time on their writing, painting and inventing. Most of their big ideas came when they were in their most creative states. Many memorable books and art pieces have been created out of consistency and routine — three sentences or one page a day makes a wonderful novel at the end of the year.

Quality of life breathes quantity of life.

Do you have a specific type of meditation practice or Yoga practice that you have found helpful? We’d love to hear about it.

I have been practicing Transcendental Meditation (TM) and mindfulness. I have also been practicing yoga regularly even though I had to give it a break recently because of a spinal operation I got last year. I will go back to yoga as soon as my doctor says it is okay to do so.

I believe a psychotherapist needs to have a calm nervous system and needs to find ways to return to their center, even in times of panic or crisis. It’s a practice what you preach syndrome. The therapist needs to hold the space for their client, and our nervous systems need to resonate with each other at all times. It is important to create a holding capacity. Also, we often accompany our clients into very emotional, dark tunnels, and we need to be in a position to support, hold and be there for them whilst maintaining an anchor of safety and neutrality.

In order to achieve this, we need to take good care of ourselves, both mentally and physically. We cannot provide what we don’t have.

When I am supporting my clients, and helping them to learn new, and better ways to regulate their behaviours, I need to be able to practice it myself. Our responses in a session can be dictated by our bodies, more than what we say, so we need to be calm and collected at all times to make the client feel comfortable and stable. I sometimes believe that how we look after ourselves is more important than the diplomas we have on our walls. We need to be able to walk the walk, as much as talk the talk.

To sum up, my meditation practices help me develop a closer relationship with my body and instincts, as well as my reactions. I have learned to be more compassionate, not to judge, and to be serene. I also feel more connected with the universe and accept it as it is.

Thank you for that. Can you share three good habits that can lead to optimum physical wellness? Please share a story or example for each.

1. Eating healthy foods and exercising.

Taking good care of our body is essential in achieving good, strong physical fitness and wellbeing. We are what we eat, and in order to keep a good balance of our internal body system, eating good food is important. Furthermore, moving our body helps us balance our blood sugar levels, related hormone systems, it improves our cardiac and respiratory system, and produces a better functioning organ system. When our body, internal organs, muscles and gland systems work properly, we are more optimistic, productive and have better mental health. We also have more energy, which makes us more active. It all comes full circle.

Think of your body as a high-quality car with an optimum natural engine, so the gasoline we use to help it function as it should is very important. If we use a low-quality gasoline, it may stay on the road, but it won’t run at the pace you need it to. Adding the right fuel, means you get the best results. And if you leave your car in the garage, stagnant, it will eventually oxidize. So, it needs to run frequently for better functioning.

2. Healthy sleep patterns. Sleep plays a very important role in our health and physical wellness. Sleep allows our body to heal, rest and refresh from all of the damage done during the day, and helps reset the heart, blood vessels, muscles and gland systems. Sleep deficiencies are linked with kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, decreased stress tolerance, concentration, memory functions, learning disabilities, and depression. Also, during sleep, our brain heals and repairs itself too and improves our ability to learn. Our brain also heals from the impact of our traumatic experiences during sleep, our memories are processed, we learn from the experience and the memory functionally becomes part of our neural memory network system. That means our brain also heals itself like our body does and sleep is very important.

So, try to stick to a sleep routine; go to bed no later than 11pm and wake up around 8am latest. Of course, there are biorhythm differences in individuals, some are early birds, where others are night owls, so work to your body clock as naturally as possible.

Sleep routines don’t just depend on what time you go to bed however. You need to relax before bedtime. Meditation, yoga and stretching are key in relaxing your body and mind. Also, avoid screens and blue lights, and stimulating materials such as work or scary movies that will work your mind up. And cut caffeine out 5–6 hours and avoid eating 2–3 hours before your bedtime.

3. Challenging your body system for resilience. Our brain manages our body and all of its functions. It gets information from our body and the environment all the time and then evaluates them for its benefit and protection. When we exercise, our internal organs, sensory organs, muscles, and skeletal system send neural information to the brain. Whatever we practice, our body adapts to it and our brain develops accordingly — similar to machine learning and algorithms. Part of it is ‘motor learning’, which only happens by practice and involves involuntary and unconscious parts of the brain too. As we practice more, the whole system improves.

Motor learning is a great example of how our mind and body are linked. There is a wonderful molecule in the brain that manages those developments; ‘Brain derived Neurotrophic Factor’ (BDNF). The BDNF is the brain’s adaptation molecule that manages the development, functions and protection from harmful and damaging illness effects, increasing resilience and metabolism of brain cells. It also increases the communication speed and quality of brain cell synapses responsible for change and adaptation. So, as we exercise we learn, concentrate, perceive the environment better, become more productive, become more resilient and get rid of our anxiety and depression. The relationship between mind and body strengthens. To sum it up, it is a very good idea to challenge our body little by little without abusing it, in order to activate the BDNF. Consult your doctor if you suffer from a health problem but don’t be afraid to push yourself further each time. The combination of all kinds of exercise throughout our lives is beneficial, from High Intensity Interval Training like running, kickboxing to brisk walking, stretching exercises, muscle strength training, team sports, dancing, rock climbing and swimming.

Do you have any particular thoughts about healthy eating? We all know that it’s important to eat more vegetables, eat less sugar, etc. But while we know it intellectually, it’s often difficult to put it into practice and make it a part of our daily habits. In your opinion what are the main blockages that prevent us from taking the information that we all know, and integrating it into our lives?

Everyone knows it’s important to eat healthily, but healthy means something different for everyone. And everybody is different, and we respond to different foods in different ways.

But it is incredibly important to eat well, in order to nourish our bodies and minds. And I say ‘well’ over ‘healthy’, as our bodies don’t always want or need plates of fruit and vegetables, instead craving for something a little more indulgent.

I believe in everything in moderation, and I certainly don’t recommend diets unless it is medically necessary. We have the term ‘soul food’ for a reason, as food feeds our soul, and it gives us a life energy that we can’t find anywhere else. It’s also the same reason we need to keep hydrated throughout the day, noting the proven effects that water has on our physical and mental health.

Though vegetables, fruit and much needed vitamins are vital in any healthy diet, sometimes we just need a piece of cake, or ice cream or a takeaway, and this is ok — as long as it’s in moderation and we are eating for positive and wholesome reasons. Food is very much connected to our mental health, and when we ‘eat our feelings’, this can make us feel worse, and in extreme cases, can lead to food addictions. When we eat to be happy, or are simply feeling like having a treat, this will instantly boost our mood and make us feel good. But it’s important to not feel guilty in these cases, as you are simply given your body what it needs at that moment.

There are several reasons why people don’t stick to healthy eating. The main one is time. We just don’t make time for it. Unlike a takeaway or a quick sandwich or packet of crisps, making healthy food can take time. Our lives get so busy that many people even skip meals, which is just as bad for us and can lead to mood swings, lack of focus and fatigue. Timing is a reason that diets or eating plans don’t often work — because we don’t find the time to stick to them. We do them sporadically, and then don’t see results so become exasperated with them, and give up. It’s incredibly important that we make time for healthy eating on a regular basis.

Another reason is accessibility. Many people are unable to afford high quality or organic products, and will choose cheaper, more processed alternatives, which aren’t good for us, but we think they are. Even food delivery food subscription services are inaccessible for many. Supermarkets are doing more to tackle this, but with so many people relying on food-banks, with this set to increase due to covid, it is going to be harder for many people to access good quality foods, leading to further health and mental health disorders in the future as their bodies, mind and soul are undernourished.

We also live in an instant society, and want everything now. This means, people will choose to opt for take aways, microwave meals or easy snacks, instead of full homemade meals or healthy snacks in order to fit in with their busy lives. We are prioritizing our schedules, work, and lifestyles over eating healthily and this will have huge negative effects on our mental and physical health.

Can you share three good habits that can lead to optimum emotional wellness? Please share a story or example for each.

1. Be aware of your emotions instead of ignoring and avoiding them. People who are emotionally healthy and strong are, at the best of times in control of their thoughts, feelings and behaviors and can react to any situation in the best possible way. That sense of control comes with awareness first, followed by courage and practice.

Emotions convey important information from our internal monologues and they all have a function. For instance, fear protects us from getting hurt and teaches us to survive, where shame and guilt help us to learn from our mistakes, and inadequacy encourages personal growth.

Naturally, we will avoid unpleasant feelings, and unconsciously develop cognitive, behavioral and bodily defence mechanisms against feelings, which can stop us processing them. It can be through rationalizations we tell ourselves (I would be more successful if I had a better childhood), or in actions such as overeating (I’m so angry, let me calm myself down with a huge chocolate), or addictions (I feel so unworthy, let me drink or get high and forget about it…for now…). It can also manifest in our professional life, working ourselves to the bone and burning ourselves out. (I need to work till late at night, so that I will not feel depressed and lonely and keep myself in control). Sometimes, we even use relationships to avoid certain feelings (I should never be lonely, because I don’t know who I am and I’m afraid that if I get to know myself better, I will be excluded from the society). There are even instances where chronic pain acts as our body’s defence against feeling emotions we don’t want to face or we don’t know how to deal with — (I run away from my sadness but my head aches all the time to keep that emotion away). Let’s not forget that those processes are all unconscious and sometimes even during in depth therapy comes out in the long run.

Emotions are like waves, there is always a beginning, a middle and an ending. The neuroanatomist Dr. Jill Bolt Taylor states that emotions last 90 seconds, in which there is an emotional chemical reaction in the body. What keeps them there longer are our thoughts and the meanings we attach to them, giving them life. And the amount of time a feeling settles in the body, depends on the attention we give it, and how we cope with it. A negative feeling will tend to linger over positive feelings due to the meaning we attach to them.

I really like the statement made by my Mindfulness teacher Kathy Ward;

R-ecognize the emotion,

A-llow it to be,

I-nvestigate where on the body,

N-atural awareness (don’t analyze or judge).

This is the best way to make peace with our emotions and improve our emotional resilience and tolerance. If you are still having difficulty, I urge you to get help from a mental health professional and explore with them the background of those resistant emotions, traumas and belief systems.

2. Express your emotions. The second path to emotional wellbeing, is letting people in. This can be overwhelming sometimes, but expressing emotions improves our ability to connect with ourselves, and with others. This helps us to build better, stronger, and more satisfactory relationships. It also increases resilience, and improves our problem solving abilities. There is a lot of truth in — a problem shared, is a problem halved. Sharing our emotions also offloads anxieties and stress, and helps fight depression and many other psychological disorders.

If you find it difficult to communicate your feelings, it’s important to notice how you are feeling at particular points — and own it. Once you can accept how and why you are feeling certain emotions, you can then build confidence around sharing with others, and communicate them effectively. It’s a slow process, and isn’t an easy one. Start with your closest friends or family, and start conversations with them -asking for feedback on how to improve your communication skills, and this will eventually make you feel more comfortable sharing with other people. This will improve your confidence and you’ll start sharing and asking for what you need, both in a personal and professional manner.

Journaling is an effective way to help express your feelings, and acknowledge them and how they are manifested. Writing letters is also a good way of expressing to others, and there isn’t an obligation to send them until you feel comfortable to do so.

3. Find purpose and meaning in life. The book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ by the respectable psychiatrist Viktor Frankl has been a huge influence on my life. I became fascinated when I first read it many years ago. In his book, Frankl describes his years in Auschwitz and other Nazi death camps, and being separated from his family. According to his observations of himself and others, he came to understand that the only way he could survive and maintain his sanity was to hold on to a sense of meaning and purpose. He worked on his theory on the importance of meaning mostly secretly during and after his Holocaust experience. He quotes the famous philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche who states, ‘He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how’.

Interestingly, he also warns us that the meaning and purpose in life is not something that we should pursue. He states that it will happen naturally, and reveal itself to us.

For this to happen, it’s important to know who you are, and give yourself the space to explore what feels good, and to experiment, practice and push yourself out of your comfort zone, but understand your boundaries.

Does performing arts make you feel good, or healing people, or teaching, building, inventing or exercise? Our passions will come to us, and we need to follow our instinct and inner voice, and then the meaning and purpose will pursue us.

In brief, finding meaning and purpose in life creates a solid ground for emotional and mental wellbeing. It produces satisfaction, develops self-confidence, improves productivity, and provides bliss, and life energy.

Do you have any particular thoughts about the power of smiling to improve emotional wellness? We’d love to hear it.

Smiling is a great way to improve our mood and this is scientifically proven! Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, which are natural pain killers. Dopamine and serotonin are also released, which act as antidepressants.

These neurotransmitters are very important for our emotional wellness, and the natural chemicals help our body to relax, and reduce physical pain.

Smiling also reduces blood pressure and stress by decreasing cortisol levels, increases endurance and boosts our immune system. Furthermore, smiling is contagious thanks to our mirror neurones which are specialized nerve cells that help people respond to and mimic each other’s behaviors and thus increase empathy. Studies also show that people that smile a lot are more likeable, and desirable, and tend to be more productive at work and make more money. So, start your day with a big smile for more positive outcomes.

Finally, can you share three good habits that can lead to optimum spiritual wellness? Please share a story or example for each.

1. Meditation and yoga are the best ways of connecting with ourselves and thus with the universe. We have a huge connection. We are part of the universe, and being aware of the role we play within it helps us connect with it on a deeper level and surrender. Meditation allows us to do this, and creates a good sense of safety, strength and resilience. Those practices also form a better connection with our bodies and minds, which in turn improves our emotional and mental wellbeing.

2. Praying and affirmations are good ways of allowing us to focus our energy. You don’t need to be religious to pray, as praying also helps us tap into our spirituality and instinct. Our energy flows to wherever we focus our attention, and praying and practicing affirmations helps us connect with something bigger than ourselves, helping us to appreciate our inner and outer selves, and prevents us from taking things for granted. It roots us to our core and makes us humble, and disconnects us from the material. Start and end your day with good intentions, through praying, journaling or talking through our affirmations in the mirror.

3. Practice gratitude in your life. This is a very important habit, and helps us to notice, focus on, and appreciate what we have, rather than what we don’t. When we focus on gratitude and love, we are unable to focus on anxiety, jealousy, resentment and hatred. Being grateful cultivates love and self-compassion. Every day try to find three things to be grateful for and share these with others too. Sharing our gratitude with others improves our relationships and enlightens the space, energy space within them.

Do you have any particular thoughts about how being “in nature” can help us to cultivate spiritual wellness?

Of course, I strongly believe that nature and spirituality is connected and has roots that go deeper than many of us realize. Nature hugely impacts us, as humans, and greatly influences how we cultivate spiritual, as well as emotional and physical wellness. Society has sadly severed these roots, and our connection to them, but it does not mean that we cannot fuse them back together.

Ancient wisdom believes that human beings have five layers of experience: the environment, the physical body, the mind, the intuition, and our self. Being in nature is a total mindful experience, and we form a connection with all of our layers. We become very present, which cultivates our gratitude for the universe and all that it encompasses.

In nature there is no good or bad, things happen, as they should, in natural order…there are sunny days, stormy days…there is life, there is death…and constant change. Sadly, due to the constraints that as humans we have created for ourselves, through society and the material, we have forgotten this, instead led by rules, structure and wants that have squashed our instinctive behaviours and feelings, and natural alignments.

Nature brings us back to us, and reminds us to be humble and embrace the good and bad and not to label anything — nature teaches acceptance. There are all kinds of species, colors, flowers, trees, soil in nature, just like humans. Sometimes what we find disgusting or annoying in nature — like ugly flies or slugs — are actually very important for the homeostasis of the ecosystem. We all live together, adapt to each other and have all the protection our natural body system provides us, just like in nature. Nature just exists, it is as it is, it is precious, it is balanced. That is very inspiring for me.

The closer we live to nature, the more aligned we are with it, and the universe. And we become more balanced. When we move away from nature, we lose touch with it, and most importantly, to our true and authentic self.

Ok, we are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.

I would make mental health therapies accessible to all, and the pandemic has provided a platform to allow this to happen. Online therapies have the power to connect people and therapists around the world, but it is still incredibly restrained. It is either too expensive, or too difficult to access, with long waiting lists or not the right support available.

We need to remove ourselves from the mindset that one therapy fits all, as it simply isn’t the case. There are various different types of therapies available, and we need to create more education and resources to help people understand what they need, and what will work for them. I work, helping people understand their trauma or mental health disorders and help them gain the correct support.

Also, in recent years there is research on Eye movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy showing the impact of intensive therapy processes like 8–15 sessions a week instead of weekly therapies. Bongaerts, van Minnen & de Jong, 2017 examined the safety and effectiveness of intensive EMDR Therapy in a group of seven patients suffering from complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and multiple comorbidities resulting from childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse, and/or work and combat-related trauma. The results propound that an intensive program using EMDR Therapy is a potentially safe and effective treatment alternative for complex PTSD. We need to start looking at more consistent solutions for long term results. One of the EMDR therapy choices we provide a WeCure is a week long, and helps patients get to the bottom of their trauma, how it affects them and find resolution towards an emotionally, behaviorally and psychologically healthier life.

I believe that mental health practitioners need to work with meditators, medical workers, yoga teachers, nutritionists and life coaches to help create more robust, sustainable and all- encompassing services and support.

We are entering a global mental health pandemic caused by covid, and healthcare providers need to start thinking more long term in the form of support and accessibility. It’s time to think outside the box.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them 🙂

I think it would be a great pleasure to have breakfast with the American professor of medicine and the creator of the Stress Reduction Clinic, and the Center of Mindfulness in medicine, Jon Kabat-Zinn. I once had the honor of listening to his speech at an international conference, and was very impressed. I have read his books, and watched his videos online.

Apart from his spiritual practices, he integrates a lot of his professional practice with research. I really appreciate his work, his presence and the way he integrates mindfulness into the mental health field. I would like to hear his life story, lessons he got from his experience, from him and would love to take part in one of his projects.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

The readers can follow my work on social media by following #saltpsikoloji and www.saltpsikoloji.com/en/. They can also see more of my work, and find out more about my EMDR therapies at https://wecure.co.uk/.

Thank you for these really excellent insights, and we greatly appreciate the time you spent with this. We wish you continued success.

Thank you very much for giving me this opportunity and to be a part of your community.

SIRIN INTERVIEW yazısı ilk önce Salt Psikoloji Enstitüsü üzerinde ortaya çıktı.

Bedenimin ve zihnimin kontrolünü kaybedeceğim, kalp krizi mi bu?

Anlayamıyor, anlamadıkça daha da panikliyordum, acilen hastaneye gitmeliyim diye düşündüm…” Bunun gibi söylemlere klinik süreçlerimde çok sık karşılaşıyorum. Özellikle de son yıllarda içerisinden geçtiğimiz zorlu zamanlar; pandemi , doğal afetler, ekonomik zorluklar, savaş, krizler sebebiyle büyük artışlar gözlemliyorum.

Panik Bozukluğu, toplumun %2-3’ünde ve kadınlarda daha sık görülen ciddi ve can sıkıcı bir rahatsızlık. Tekrarlayan panik ataklarla birlikte fiziksel ve psikolojik stresin yoğun olarak yaşanması durumu. Genellikle onlu yaşların sonu veya yetişkinliğin başlarında ortaya çıkmakla birlikte nadir de olsa çocuklarda da görülebiliyor. Nedenleri tam olarak belirlenememiş olsa da çocukluktan itibaren maruz kalınan olumsuz veya aşırı korumacı aile ortamları, başa çıkılamayan yaşamsal sorunlar, sarsıcı hayat olayları veya mezuniyet, evlilik, ilk çocuğun doğması gibi stres barındıran büyük değişimlerle ilgili olduğu ve bunlarla tetiklendiği görülmekte. Aynı zamanda, genetik bir yatkınlık olduğuna dair kanıtlar da var. Bazı araştırmacılar “stres yaratan etkenin” bir termostata benzediğini ileri sürüyor. Yani stres, direncinizi düşürdükçe, derinlerdeki fiziksel yatkınlık yüzeye çıkıp bir atağı tetikleyebiliyor.

Panik Ataklar

Panik atak, önceden bir uyarı vermeden ve herhangi bir nedeni olmadan ortaya çıkan ani bir korku patlamasıdır, panik bozukluğa sahip kişilerin zaman zaman yaşadığı, bedensel belirtilerle birlikte ortaya çıkan bir durumdur. Panik ataklar panik bozukluğun kriterleri arasındadır fakat tek başına belirleyici değildir. Çoğu kişinin şikâyetçi olduğu “stresli olmak” tan çok daha yoğundur. Panik atak yaşayan kişilerde görülen en yaygın belirtiler; çarpıntı, nefes almakta zorlanmak ve göğüs ağrısı, yoğun bir korku bir korku, baş dönmesi, mide bulantısı veya sersemlik, titreme, terleme, sarsılma, ateş basması veya ani üşüme, ayak veya el parmaklarında uyuşma ve delirme veya ölme korkusudur.

Yukarıdaki belirtileri, tehlikeli bir durumda kalındığında karşılaşılan sinir sistemimizin “kaç veya savaş” tepkisine benzetebiliriz. Ancak bir “panik atak” sırasında bu belirtiler aniden ortaya çıkar. Hatta bazen zararsız gibi görünen durumlarda, mesela uyku sırasında bile görülebilirler. Bedenimiz sanki gerçekten bir tehdit varmış gibi tepki verir. Her ne kadar yaşayan kişiye asla bitmeyecek ya da korkunç şeylere sebep olacak gibi görünse de korkmayın bedenimiz, ” kaç veya savaş” tepkisini birkaç dakikadan fazla sürdüremez.; birçok panik atak yaklaşık 10 dakikada en yüksek seviyesine çıkıp, en fazla 20-30 dakika sürmektedir. Çoğu zaman panik bozukluğa depresyon, obsesif kompulsif bozukluk, sosyal kaygı veya izolasyon, ilişki zorlukları, madde bağımlılığı, fobiler ve tıbbi sorunların da eşlik ettiğini görürüz. Yaşadığınız zorluğun tıbbi bir sebebi olmadığından emin olmak için önce bir doktorla görüşmekte fayda görüyorum çünkü bazen hormonal dengesizlikler bile yüksek endişe semptomlarına sebep olabiliyor. Aslında, panik bozukluğa sahip kişilerin geliştirdiği fobiler ve korku, gerçek nesnelere veya olaylara karşı duyulan korkudan değil, başka bir atak geçirmekten duyulan korkudan dolayı olur. Bu gibi durumlarda, insanlar belirli nesneler, kişiler veya olaylardan, diğer bir atağı tetikleyecekleri korkusuyla uzak durmaya çalışırlar. Ve kaçındıkça da aslında korkunun, panik bozukluğun seviyesini arttırırlar. Panik atak danışanlarımızın çoğu kendini onlar için tehdit yaratabilecek durumlardan soyutladıkça yaşam kalitesi ciddi anlamda düşüyor, gittikçe büyüyen bir çığ gibi.

Panik Ataklarla nasıl baş edebilirsiniz?

• Öncelikle bilin ki panik ataktan ölmüş veya delirmiş hiç kimse yok. Bu belirtileri artık taşma noktasına gelmiş sinir sisteminizin size sinyali olarak görün. Tüm panik atak bedensel tepkilerinin fizyolojik bir açıklaması var, uyuşma ve ortamdan kopma hissinin bile…
•  Kendiniz veya size destek olabilecek ruh sağlığı uzmanları ile geçmişten gelen hangi birikimlerin bunu yaşamanıza sebep olduğunu bulup, bunların üzerinde çalışıp, anlayıp, güncel yaşamınızda bazı değişiklikler yaparak üstesinden gelebilirsiniz. EMDR Terapisi, Bilişsel Davranışçı Terapi gibi ekoller kaygı bozukluklarında çok işe yaramakta. İlk yaşadığınız panik atağı düşünüp o dönem sizi nelerin zorladığını, nasıl duygusal zorluklar yaşadığınızı, o anda tehdit algısına dair neler düşündüğünüzü fark ederek bir ipucu yakalayabilirsiniz.
• Elinizden geldiğince kaçındığınız durumlarla yüzleşmeye ve o anlarda kendinizi sakinleştirerek veya yaptığınız şeyi yapmaya devam ederek durumla baş edebildiğinizi görme şansı verin kendinize. Bunu sizi en az zorlayan durumla yapmaya başlayın, kademeli olarak daha zor durumlara geçebilirsiniz.
• İnsanlarla duygularınızı paylaşın, onların desteğini alın mutlaka. Unutmayın bu çok normal bir durum, herkes yaşayabilir. Aldığınız destek sinir sisteminize iyi gelecek. Böyle durumlarda size her şeyin geçeceğini ve sizin yanınızda olduklarını söylemeleri bile iyi hissettirecektir.
• Paniğinizin arttığını hissettiğinizde önce çıplak ayaklarınızla yere sağlamca basın ve dikkatinizi buna verin. Topraklanma dediğimiz bu hareket bedeninizi yeniden dengesine getirecek. Bunu gerçekten toprağa basarak yaparsanız etkisi çok daha fazla olur.
• Panik atak geçirmeye başladığınızda sıkışan nefesinizi kontrol ettiğinizde sinir sisteminiz bunu kasıtlı yaptığınızı ve istediğiniz zaman durabileceğinizi hissediyor. Ayaklarınızı yere sağlamca bastıktan sonra, derin bir nefes alın, yarısında durun ve verin. Tekrar alın, tam nefes almadan yarısında durun ve verin. Bunu en az 5-10 kere nefesiniz normale dönene kadar yapın. Kasıtlı olarak tam nefes alışınızı durdurmak panik duygusunu azaltacaktır.
• Böyle zamanlarda içinizden gelmiyor olsa da size normalde iyi gelen şeylerin bir listesini yapın; arkadaşlarla daha çok zaman geçirmek, doğada daha çok zaman geçirmek (çok önemli), çalışma saatlerini azaltmak (unutmayın hiçbir şey sağlığınızdan önemli değil), daha fazla egzersiz yapmak gibi (beyninizde artan seratonin çok iyi gelecek) … Ve bunları yavaş yavaş yeniden hayatınıza sokmaya çalışın. Danışanlarıma bunu size verdiğim ve her gün almanız gereken ilaç listesi gibi düşünün derim.
• Kan şekeri seviyelerinizi sabit tutmak, sağlıklı beslenmek, fazla kafein, sigara ve alkolden uzak durmak da sinir sisteminizi rahatlatacak ve kesinlikle ataklarla daha iyi baş etmenizi sağlayacaktır.

              İç dengenizi yeniden bulup, bedenen ve zihnen dinginliğine ulaştığınız, keyifli bir yaşam dileği ile…

Şirin ATÇEKEN

Uzman Psikolog- Çift ve Aile Terapisti

Salt Psikoloji  Enstitisü Kurucu Ortağı

https://www.antalyabidunya.com/KoseYazisiDetay.aspx?rqKoseYazisiId=46

PANİK BOZUKLUĞU VE PANİK ATAK yazısı ilk önce Salt Psikoloji Enstitüsü üzerinde ortaya çıktı.

Takıntılı aşkın ortaya çıkmasında çeşitli sebepler olduğu düşünülmektedir. Bunlardan en önemlisi kişinin bebeklik çağında kendisine yeteri kadar ilgi ve sevgi göstermeyen annesi (babası ya da ona bakan kişi) ile güvenli bir bağ oluşturamamasıdır. Bu güvenli bağı oluşturamamış çocuklar anneleri yanlarından her ayrıldığında ağlamak, korkmak, yoğun endişeye kapılmak, bazen tam tersi anneden uzaklaşmak gibi sağlıklı olmayan davranışlar gösterir. Anne ya da çocuğa bakan kişi ile kurulamayan bu güvenli bağ kişinin gelecek romantik ilişkilerinde de aynı şekilde çaresizce bu ilgi ve sevgi arayışına girmesine neden olmakta ve uçlara gidilebilmektedir; örneğin aşık olduğu kişi tarafından reddedilmesine ya da ilgi görmemesine rağmen devamlı peşinde koşmaya devam etmek gibi. Yine aynı şekilde çocuklukta yaşanmış ve çocuğun derin bir değersizlik hissetmesine neden olan olaylar, travmalar da ileride takıntılı aşk oluşturmasına neden olmaktadır çünkü kişi benliğinde hissedemediği değerlilik duygusunu idealize ettiği aşkında aramakta ve kendini bununla özdeşleştirmeye çalışmaktadır. Ayrıca ailede madde bağımlılığı/ alkolizmin olmasının da takıntılı aşk için bir risk faktörü olduğu düşünülmektedir.

Kişinin hayatına bir anlam katamamış olması, kendini tatmin etmeyen bir iş hayatı veya sosyal çevreye sahip olması ve bununla beraber gelen sıkıntı ve anlamsızlık hissi de takıntılı aşkın nedenlerinden biridir. Ayrıca buna eşlik eden başarısızlık, düşük özgüven, kırılganlık ve zayıflık hissi kişide yoğun endişe oluşturmakta, kişi bu endişeyi kafasında oluşturduğu aşka yönlendirmekte ve bu şekilde dışarı vurmaktadır. Bununla birlikte kişi kafasında oluşturduğu takıntılı aşk ile varoluşuna bir anlam katmakta ve önemli bir boşluğu doldurduğunu düşünmektedir, bu sebeple de aşk karşılıklı olmadığında yine de bunun peşinden umutsuzca gitmekte, kıskançlık krizlerine girmektedir.

Takıntılı aşk yaşayan kişilerde görülen bir başka özellik de kendilerini çevrelerinden daha özel ya da farklı görme eğiliminde olmalarıdır. Kişi sosyal çevresinden ya da yaşıtlarından kendini ne kadar uzak hissediyorsa (ya da bu mesafeyi diğerlerinden farklı olma algısı ile farkında olmadan kendisi de koyuyor olabilir) aşkta takıntılı olma ihtimali o kadar artmaktadır. Bir de genelde fark edilen bir başka gösterge de takıntılı olarak aşık olunan kişinin ulaşılamaz ya da eşit olmayan seviyede özelliklere sahip olmasıdır; evli olması, çok daha yaşlı ya da genç olması, farklı bir sosyal kesimden olması, çok uzakta olması ya da platonik olması gibi.
Takıntılı aşıklarda genelde depresyon, davranış bozukluğu, bağımlı kişilik özellikleri, kaygı bozukluğu, obsesif kişilik yapısı, bilişsel çarpıtmalar (olayları olduğundan farklı algılama, değerlendirme ve yorumlama eğilimi), takıntılı aşk ile tetiklenmiş psikiyatrik hastalıklar (Ör: Şizofreni), madde bağımlılığı ve düşük hayat işlevselliği sıkça görülmektedir.
Takıntılı aşkın tedavisinde kişinin hayat işlevselliği çok azalmış ve/veya intihar düşünceleri de gözleniyorsa ilaç tedavisiyle birlikte, psikoterapi alınması çok önemlidir.

Ya Benimsin Ya Da Kara Toprağın!: Takıntılı Aşk yazısı ilk önce Salt Psikoloji Enstitüsü üzerinde ortaya çıktı.

Anneler, hamilelikte ve özellikle yenidoğan döneminde çok stres altında olabiliyorlar, daha sakin kalabilmeleri için neler önerirsiniz? (Nefes veya spesifik egzersizler var mı?)
Hamilelik öncesinde, sırasında ve sonrasında Mindfulness pratikleri yapmak elbette stres seviyesini azaltmak ve olayları daha baş edilir kılmak için çok önemli. Bazen anne adayları geçmişten gelen travmatik deneyimler sebebiyle de hamilelik ve annelik ile ilgili konularda çok stres yaşayabiliyor (eğer ikinci gebelik ise ilkindeki doğumdaki komplikasyonlar, gebelik sırasındaki olumsuz yaşam olayları, erken doğum, doğum sonrası bebekteki sağlık sorunları, yalnız ve desteksiz kalma veya anne adayının kendi bebekliğinde yaşadığı travmatik deneyimler de bilinç dışı kendi sürecinde tetiklenip anneyi yoğun endişeye itebiliyor). Eğer böyle bir durum söz konusu ise mutlaka psikolojik bir destek alınmasını öneririm.

Bir önceki yazıda anlattığım Mindfulness egzersizi her gün yapılırsa iyi olur. Ayrıca doğada daha çok vakit geçirmek ve bunu yaparken de beş duyumuzu kullanarak farkındalığımızı derinleştirmek sinir sistemini çok rahatlatır (Örneğin etrafta neler görüyorum, ne duyuyorum? Tenimde ne hissediyorum? türü sorular sormak; rüzgarı yüzünüzde hissetmek, etraftaki kokulara dikkat etmek gibi…).

Hamile yogasına gitmek de hem zihin hem beden hem de anne karnındaki bebek için çok faydalıdır… Bebeğin büyüyüp geliştiği ortamın, bedenin rahat ve sakin olması sağlıklı gelişimi için çok önemlidir.

Anne ve babaların kendilerinde bilinçli farkındalık kavramını geliştirmeleri çocuk yetiştirirken ne gibi avantajlar sağlar?
Bir kere en önemlisi çocuğumuzla her gün neyi deneyimlersek, onun beyninde bunu geliştiriyor, bunu güçlendiriyoruz. Bu deneyim öfke mi? İlgisizlik mi? Endişe mi? Yoksa keyif, neşe, bağlı bir ilişki, ilgi, yaşam enerjisi veya sevgi mi? Biz ne isek, nasıl isek çocuklarımıza (özellikle yaşamlarının ilk yıllarında) bunu aktarıyoruz. Onlara model oluyoruz. Unutmayın, çocuklar söylediklerimizi değil; yaptıklarımızı yaparlar. Her an boyunlarındaki hayali minicik fotoğraf makineleri ile gördükleri her şeyin fotoğrafını çeker, beyinlerindeki hafıza deposuna atarlar. İlişkileri, bu ilişkiden kendileri ile ilgili hangi çıkarımları yaptıklarını, dünyayı, anne-babasının ve aile fertlerinin onlara nasıl davrandığını, onların diğerlerine nasıl davrandığını, neler konuştuklarını gözlemlerler.

O yüzden, kendilerinde bilinçli farkındalık geliştiren anne-babalar bir kere çocuklarına bunu modellerler. Bu oluş halini aktarırlar. Ayrıca çocuk yetiştirmek yeri geldiğinde çok stresli olabilir. Böyle anlarda daha sakin kalıp etkin çözüm yolları bulabilirler. Kendi duygularını regüle edebilen anne-babalar bunu çocuklarına da öğretirler. Hatta bu duygu regülasyonunu yapabilmek ve zorlu zamanlarda kendini sakinleştirebilmek hayata dair dirayetli, dayanıklı olmanın birincil koşullarından biridir. Bunu yapabilen anne-babalar çocukları ile daha kaliteli ve bağlı ilişki kurabilirler. Hayatı seven, yaşam enerjisi dolu bireyler yetiştirirler.

Ebeveynlerin uygulayabileceği basit egzersizler, hayatlarına katabilecekleri kavramlar neler? Aileler olarak bilinçli farkındalığı artırmak adına çocuklarla beraber ne tür egzersizler yapabiliriz?
5-10 adet tadına bakılacak yiyecek (kuru üzüm, dut kurusu, fındık, brokoli, çikolata, peynir gibi) seçin. Çocuğunuzun gözüne rahatsız etmeyecek şekilde bir eşarp bağlayın. Tek tek yiyecekleri ona tattırın ve sadece koku, tat ve dokunma duyularını kullanarak yiyecekleri tahmin etmelerini isteyin. Bu sırada aranızda konuşabilir, ona sorular sorabilirsiniz ve onun da deneyimini ifade etmesine teşvik edebilirsiniz. Çocuğunuzun tadımı bittikten sonra sıra size geçecek. Sizin tadacağınız yiyecekleri de çocuğunuz seçecek. Daha sonra birlikte bu egzersizin üzerinde konuşun.
Çocuğunuzla gününün nasıl geçtiği hakkında konuşun. O sırada tüm dikkatinizi ona verin; iyi dinleyin. Yargılamayın ve öğretici bir tavır takınmayın. Şu tip sorular sorabilirsiniz:
– Bu sırada ne hissettin?

– O sırada en çok hoşuna giden/ gitmeyen şey neydi?

– Kendinde en çok neyi seviyorsun?

– Sence arkadaşın o sırada ne hissetmiştir?

Birlikte yemek yapın. Bunu yaparken asıl amacınızın eğlenmek ve keyifli zaman geçirmek olduğunu unutmayın. İçine koyduğunuz malzemeyi elleyebilir, koklayabilir, tadına bakabilirsiniz. Pişerken gözlemleyin, hangi aşamalardan geçtiğini fark edin. Daha sonra yerken de harcadığınız emeği takdir edin ve tadını çıkarın.
Birlikte doğada zaman geçirin ve maceracı yanınızı ortaya koyun. Daha önce girmediğiniz yollardan gidin, yeni yerler keşfedin (güvenli olduğundan emin olarak elbette). Bu sırada beş duyunuzu kullanarak farkında olun.
Aynı şekilde çocuğunuzla müzeye gitmek, serge gezmek, bir arkadaşınızın atölyesini ziyaret etmek gibi aktiviteler de birlikte kaliteli zaman için biçilmiş kaftandır. Önemli olan cep telefonlarınızı mümkünse kapatarak anda olmak, merak ve keşif duygumuza izin vermek (merak ve keşif en büyük sakinleştiricilerden biridir ve yaşan enerjisi depolar), birlikte olmaktan keyif almak ve kaliteli zaman geçirmektir.

Çocuklara özel mindfulness eğitimleri var mı? Bu farkındalığı küçük yaştan itibaren aşılamak mümkün mü? Bu Pratik onlara nasıl anlatılmalı?
Çocuklar için mindfulness için ilgilenenlere Eline Snel’in Bir Kurbağa Gibi Sakin ve Dikkatli isimli kitabını öneririm. Snel, çocukların ebeveynleriyle birlikte yapabilecekleri meditasyon çalışmaları öğretiyor ve konuyu çok sade, anlaşılır bir dille anlatıyor. Çocukların gerçekten çok zengin ve derin bir iç dünyaları vardır. Mindfulness ya da farkındalık meditasyonları da çok bedensel çalışmalardır ve çocuklar da bedenin dilinden çok iyi anlarlar, zira bu onlar için doğaldır. Çocuklara Mindfulness’ı çok basit ve onların anlayabileceği bir dille anlatmak önemlidir. Hayvan benzetmeleri yaparak, egzersizleri daha kısa ve oyun haline getirerek, onları sıkmadan vermek gerekir. Ayrıca çocuk yogası da bu farkındalığı artırmanın iyi bir yoludur.

Çocuklarda Mindfulness kavramını geliştirmenin ileriye dönük faydaları neler?
Öncelikle çocuğun dikkat, öğrenme, hafıza, duygu düzenlemesi, yaratıcılık, dürtü kontrolü gibi becerileri artar. Kendilerinin daha fazla farkında olurlar, ki bu durum sakin bir sinir sistemi için çok önemlidir. Sakin sinir sistemi kişileri strese, travmaya ve hayatın zorluklarına karşı daha dayanıklı yapar. Kin, nefret ve şiddet yerine sevgi, merhamet (hem kendilerine hem de diğer insanlara), empati dolu olurlar. İyiliğin daha fazla olduğu bir dünya için önce çocuklarımızın iç dünyasını değiştirmemiz lazım. Fakat bu demek değil ki kendilerini koruyamayacaklar; bilakis içinde sevgi, merhamet, optimizm ve yaşam enerjisi besleyen insanların sosyal hayatları ve insan ilişkileri de daha iyi olur. Böylece büyük resme bakabilirler ve zorlu anlarda daha sakin kalabilirler. Hiperaktivite ve dikkat eksikliği, disleksi, otizm gibi çağımızın en büyük problemleri de bilinçli farkındalığı yüksek çocuklarda tamamen iyileşmese bile çok daha baş edilir hale gelir. Dikkatli ve bilinçli bir şekilde anın içinde kalırken çocuklar nefeslerinin farkına varmayı öğrenirler. Bu sayede otomatik pilottan çıkar, iç güdülerini fark eder ve hayatta olumsuz, zorlu şeylerin de olabileceğini kabul etmeyi öğrenirler. Yaptıkları şeyleri daha sevgi dolu bir şekilde yapmayı da. Duygularını bastırmak yerine, anlamaya ve kabullenmeye başlarlar.

Ebeveynlere Mindfulness hakkında önerileriniz neler?
Bilinçli farkındalığı yaşamınızda geliştirmek ve onun bir parçası haline getirmek için kendinize çok büyük ve ulaşılması zor hedefler koymayın. Bu bir yaşam tarzıdır. Her gün birkaç dakika bile uygulasanız yavaş yavaş bedeniniz ve zihniniz bu deneyime alışacaktır. Sonuçta neyi pratik ederseniz, zihninizde onu güçlendirirsiniz…

Her sabah uyandığınızda yataktan kalkmadan günün devamında olabildiğince farkındalığımı içinde bulunduğum ana vermeyi niyet edin. Çocuklarınızla zaman geçirirken, yemek yerken, bir arkadaşınızla buluştuğunuzda cep telefonlarınızı mutlaka kaldırın. Gün içinde İnternet bağlı olmadığınız zaman dilimleri yaratın. Unutmayın eskiden cep telefonları yoktu ve biz yine de yaşıyorduk. Yemek yerken tadına varın; beş duyunuzu devreye sokun. Doğada yürüyüş yaparken, çocuğunuzla oynarken, eşinizle sohbet ederken, duş alırken, tıraş olurken, yemek yaparken, kitap okurken de… Ve en önemlisi de kendinizi sevin; kendinize karşı nazik olun.

petit-mag.com

Mindfulness – Ebeveynler ve Çocuklar yazısı ilk önce Salt Psikoloji Enstitüsü üzerinde ortaya çıktı.

İşyerinde pozitif psikoloji nasıl uygulanıyor?

• Performans sistemi geçmişte neyi yapamadığını söylemenin ve yapamadıklarını yaptırmaya çalışmanın ötesine geçer, geçmiş dönemde yaptıklarını öne çıkarır, bundan sonra yapabileceklerini de buna göre belirler. Ali ekip arkadaşıyla yaşadığı sıkıntıyı değil, tamamladığı projelerinde kuruma, ekibine ve kendisine kattıklarının farkına varır, bu katkıyı hangi becerilerini kullanarak oluşturduğunu özümser ve sonraki hedeflerini oluştururken bu becerilerini kullanabileceği hedefler belirler.
• Geribildirim verme yöntemine yansır. Tüm çalışanlar iyi bir şey yaptıklarında davranış odaklı takdir alırlar ve başkalarını da takdir etmeyi öğrenirler. Bu takdir günümüzde takdir deyince anlaşılan tüm yönetim CC’li “teşekkür”den farklıdır. Ali hangi davranışının nasıl bir katkı yarattığını bilir. Bu sistemde Ali’nin oluşabilecek riskleri önceden hesaplayarak zamanında önlem almış olması çok değerlidir, Ali hangi davranışıyla fark yarattığının farkındadır ve bu sonraki çalışmalarında da görülmek istenen bir davranıştır.
• Eğitim gelişim süreçleri planlanırken çalışanın yapamadıkları değil, yapabileceklerine odaklanılır. Ali insan odaklı bakmakta zorlanıyor ve birlikte çalıştığı kişilerin ihtiyaçlarını göremiyor olabilir. Bu kolayca edinilebilecek bir davranış değildir, pozitif psikoloji Ali’nin diğer özelliklerine bakar ve, ya sahip olduğu hangi özellikleri ile bu sorunu aşabileceğini bulmaya çalışır veya tüm ekibin bu durumu kabullenerek hareket etmesini bekler. Ali sahip olduğu iletişim becerilerini kullanarak, empatik bakması gereken durumlarda iş arkadaşlarının ona rahatlıkla açılmasını sağlamayı öğrenebilir. Veya iş arkadaşları Ali’nin bu özelliklerini bildiklerinden Ali’den beklentileri bu yönde olmaz ve Ali’nin artılarını kullanmayı öğrenirler. Şirketi ise Ali’nin sahip olduğu iletişim becerilerini iyileştirerek daha iyi kullanmasını sağlamaya çalışır.
• Pozitif bakmak, anlık krizlere çözüm odaklı yaklaşmaktır. Beklenmeyen bir kriz oluştuğunda çalışanlar problemin sorumlusunu bulmaya değil, problemin nasıl çözülebileceğine odaklanırlar. Olası çözüm alternatifleri düşünürler. Pozitif psikolojinin uygulanmadığı ortamlarda eleştiri kültürü ile çalışanlarda suçlanma kaygısı oluştuğundan, sorunların ortaya çıkmasının gecikebildiği, sonucunda sorunun daha çok büyüyebildiği ve çözüme ulaşmanın zorlaşabildiği görülüyor.
• Departmanlar arası işbirliği konusu şirketlerin sıklıkla zorlandığı bir konudur. Pozitif psikoloji iyimser bakış açısının yarattığı etkiyle iletişim ortamını güçlendirir ve departmanlar birbirleri ile sahip oldukları kısıtları ve yapabileceklerini açıkça ve yapıcı bir üslupla paylaşır. Bu da çatışmaları azaltır. Ortak hedef ve ortak çözüm bilinci pekişir. Ali üretimin teslimatı geciktirmesinden dolayı üretim sorumlusuna kızmak yerine, onunla bir araya gelerek bu durumu nasıl yönetebileceğini konuşmayı alışkanlık haline getirir.
• Kurum içi iletişimde tüm mesajlar olumlu ve pozitif bir dille yazılır. “Biz müşterilerinin isteklerine zamanında dönüş yaparız” der ve bu davranışı kültür haline getirir. Yasaklar konuşulmaz. “Burada sigara içmek yasaktır” demez, “lütfen sigaranızı dışarıda belirlenmiş alanda içiniz” der.

Çalışanın motivasyonuna, verimliliğe katkısı nedir?

İyimser bakış açısı ve güçlü yöne odaklanmak iş süreçlerine entegre edildiğinde, mutluluk odaklı kurumsal iklim oluşuyor; ilişkiler güçleniyor, işbirliği artıyor, bağlılığı yüksek çalışanların ve gelişime inovasyona yönelmiş bakış açılarının olduğu iş ortamları oluşuyor.

Maslow’un ihtiyaçlar hiyerarşisi, su, yemek ve güvenlik gibi temel ihtiyaçlar karşılandıktan sonra insanların, sevilme, yakın ilişkiler kurma, saygı görme, tanınma ve kendi yeteneklerini kullanabilme, kendisine anlamlı gelen şeyi yapma motivasyonuyla hareket ettiğini gösteriyor. Pozitif psikoloji bu teoriyle uyumlu çalışıyor.

Çalışan tarafından bakıldığında motivasyonu artıran bir kurumsal iklim oluşmuş oluyor;

• Çalışan yeteneklerini kullanabiliyor, yeteneklerinin kuruma katkı sağladığını görüyor ve yaptığı işi anlamlı buluyor.
• Başarılarının fark edildiğini görüyor ve kendisini önemli ve değerli hissediyor.
• Kendisini huzurlu bir aile ortamında hissediyor, olumlu güvene dayalı ilişkiler geliştiriyor.
• Kendisini özgür hissediyor ve işini daha iyi ve daha farklı yapabileceği yöntemleri araştırıyor ve deniyor.

Kurum tarafından bakıldığında çalışanların ilişkilere ve yönetimsel uygulamalara değil sadece işe odaklandıkları bir ortam oluştuğundan kurumun verimliliğinin ve marka değerinin arttığı görülüyor ;

• Çalışanın yeteneklerini kullandığından alabileceği en yüksek verimi almış oluyor.
• Yüksek çalışan bağlılığı ile bilgi ve uzmanlık kaybını minimuma indiriyor.
• Olumlu yapıcı iş ilişkileri, çatışmaları azaltıyor, problemler daha hızlı çözülüyor.
• Fikirlerinin saygı göreceğine inanan ve pozitif düşünen çalışanlar yeni fikirler üretiyor. Sürekli gelişim ve inovasyonu mümkün kılıyor.
• Geliştiren, ilham veren liderlik ortamı oluşuyor.
• Çalışana değer veren çalıma ortamı kurumun marka değerinin güçlenmesine ve yetenekli çalışanları çekmeye yarıyor.

Şirkete nasıl yayılıyor? Yani tüm yöneticilerin ve çalışanların bu kültürü benimsemesi nasıl sağlanıyor? Pozitif psikolojiye nasıl geçebilir şirketler?

• Öncelikle tüm işe alım, performans, kariyer ve gelişim süreçlerinin yanı sıra iş süreçlerinin yeniden dizayn edilmesi gerekiyor. Kalite/denetim yaklaşımı eleştiri kültürünü besliyor, bu yaklaşımın takdire ve daha iyi olmak için yapılması gerekenler diline odaklanması gerek.
• Kurum içinde kullanılan dil’in eleştiri ve yasak dilinden, çözüme yönelen, var olanı takdir eden ve üstüne inşa eden, objektif bir dil olmasını sağlamak ve önce yapılan duyuruların bu standartlara uyması sonra yavaş yavaş olumlu örnekler öne çıkarılarak kurum içinde yaygınlaşmasını sağlamak gerek.
• Şirketler tüm uygulamalarında tüm çalışanlara, bireysel ihtiyaçları gözeten şekilde esneklik sağlamalıdır. “işine geliyorsa” uygulamaları çalışanı birey olarak değersizleştiren uygulamalardır.
• Bu tarz iklim değişimleri önce üst yönetimde başlamalı, daha sonra alt kademelere doğru inmelidir. Üst yönetimin sahiplenmediği, rol model olmadığı hiçbir yenilik alt kademe çalışanlar tarafından benimsenmez.

Özge BERÇİN
Psikolog – Profesyonel Koç – Eğitmen – İK Danışmanı

Şirketlerde Pozitif Yönetim Zamanı yazısı ilk önce Salt Psikoloji Enstitüsü üzerinde ortaya çıktı.

Hedeflenen yüksek performansa ulaşma beklentisini sürekli hissederek çalışmak performans baskısı olarak nitelendirilebilir. Performans baskısı, beklentilerle beraber hareket eder, beklenti ne kadar yüksekse performans baskısı da o kadar yüksek olur.

Çalışma hayatında performans baskısı yaratan dış unsurlar şu şekilde sıralanabilir;

-hedefe ulaşmanın zorluğu, işin yoğun çaba ve efor gerektirmesi (zaman, miktar, nitelik olarak)

-yüksek yaratıcılık gerektirmesi

-hayati tehlike/risk içermesi (çalışanın kendisi için/başkaları için)

Bunun dışında çalışanlar kendi kendilerine de performans baskısı yaratabilirler, bu durumlarda da yaşanan kaygılar veya kişinin iç motivasyon kaynakları işin beklendiği gibi sonuçlanması konusunda kişide belli bir stres yaratabilir, bu durumlara örnekler şunlar olabilir;

-hata yapma kaygısı taşımak

-eleştirilme kaygısı taşımak

-olumsuz durumlardan / kriz durumlarından kaçınmak

-aşırı rekabetçi olmak

-mükemmeliyetçi olmak

Performans baskısı kişide ne gibi psikolojik ve fiziksel sorunlara yol açıyor?

Performans baskısının şiddeti, hedefin ne ölçüde ulaşılabilir olduğu, baskının tek başına mı yaşandığı yoksa takım olarak mı yaşandığı ve baskı altında kalan kişinin dayanıklılığı oluşabilecek sorunlarda kilit rol oynar.

Hedefin zorlu olması, hedefe ulaşılamaması durumundaki yaptırımların (düşük ücret, kariyerde ilerleyememe, işi kaybetme vs..) cezalandırıcı olması çalışanların yaşadığı stres düzeyini oldukça artırır.  Stres ise performans üzerinde en etkili faktördür; çok düşük stres seviyesinin yapılan işi önemsememeye, özensiz hareket etmeye yol açtığı, belli bir seviyede stresin ise performansı artırdığı bilinirken, kişiyi yoran aşırı stresin performansı olumsuz etkilediği kanıtlanmıştır.  Yoğun stres yaşayan kişilerde stresin vücut direncini düşürdüğü kanıtlanmıştır, bunun yanında migren, ülser, dolaşım bozuklukları, cilt hastalıkları gibi fiziksel rahatsızlıklara yol açabilmektedir. Bunun dışında çalışanların yüksek hedeflere ulaşma beklentisiyle sürekli yoğun stres altında kalmaları, yetersizlik ve başarısızlık duygularını tetikleyeceğinden, çalışanlarda işe/kuruma olan bağın kopmasına, tükenmişlik sendromu ve depresyon gibi psikolojik rahatsızlıklara yol açabilir.

Performans baskısına ne kadar dayanıklı olunduğu kişiden kişiye değişen bir unsurdur. Bazı kişiler daha yüksek seviyede baskıya karşı dayanıklıdır, performans baskısı taşıma kapasiteleri daha yüksektir diyebiliriz. Hatta baskı altında daha yüksek motivasyonla çalışan kişiler de vardır. Bazı kişilerin ise baskıya dayanma kapasiteleri oldukça düşüktür, bir çok kişiye çok normal gelen bir iş hedefi bu kişilerde yoğun stres yaratabilir.  Strese tek başına maruz kalmak yerine bir grup kişi birlikte maruz kalınıyorsa ve burada rekabetçi bir ortam yerine dayanışma ortamı oluşabiliyorsa yaşanan baskı daha dayanılabilir hale gelebilir. Yaşanan yoğun stresin hedeflenenin aksine performansı olumsuz etkilediği unutulmamalıdır.

Performans baskısı sonucu yoğun stres yaşayan ve yeterli dayanıklılığa sahip olmayan çalışanların yaşadıkları bu durumun mutlaka özel hayatlarına da yansıması beklenir.  İş özel hayat dengesinin bozulmasına, yakınlara karşı daha sabırsız, sinirli ve tepkisel davranmaya ve bunun da sonucunda ilişkilerin bozulmasına yol açabilir. Bu ilişkiler içerisinde ebeveyn – çocuk ilişkisi en hassas olanıdır. Yoğun baskı altında çalışanların çocuklarıyla kuracakları güvene dayalı sıcak ilişkinin zarar görmemesi için, daha sabırlı ve anlayışlı olmaya çalışmaları önemlidir.

En çok kimler performans baskısı yaşıyor?

Performans baskısı deyince ilk akla gelenler; sporcular ve sahne sanatları ile uğraşanlardır; en mükemmel performansı ortaya koymayı sonunda da ödül almayı, alkış almayı amaçlarlar. Hayati risk taşıyan askerlik gibi işlerde çalışanlar ile alınan riskin doğurabileceği kaybın yüksek olduğu sağlık veya borsa ve yatırımla ilgili işlerde çalışanlarda işin doğası gereği hata yapmaktan kaçınmak söz konusudur, bu alanlarda çalışanlar da daha yoğun performans baskısı hissedebilirler. Bunun dışında bazı işler ve sektörlerde hedef baskısı çok yüksek olabiliyor, özellikle bankacılık, sigortacılık, çağrı merkezi gibi iş alanlarında satış baskısı daha yoğun hissediliyor.

Performans baskısından kurtulmak kişinin yapabilecekleri neler?

Çalışanlar yaşadıkları baskının çok yüksek olduğunu fark eder ve bu baskıya dayanamadıklarını hissederlerse;

• Öncelikle beklenene yönelik odaklarını kaybetmediklerinden emin olmalı, stresin etkisiyle dikkatlerinin dağılmasına izin vermemeliler,
• Her şeyi kontrol edemeyeceklerini kabul etmeliler,
• Sorumlu oldukları görevlerin istenen şekilde sonuçlanabileceğine dair olumlu ve iyimser bir bakış açısını korumalılar, iyimser bakış açısı, istenene ulaşmak için bulunabilecek olası çözümlerin daha kolay bulunmasını sağlar.
• Sahip oldukları kaynakları gözden geçirebilirler; neye ihtiyaç duyduklarını, kimlerden yardım isteyebileceklerini belirleyebilirler.
• Kurum içinde bağlı oldukları yöneticiye, insan kaynakları departmanına başvurabilir, varsa mentorluk sistemlerine dahil olabilirler.
• Stres düzeylerinin çok arttığını fark ettiklerinde kullanabilecekleri, rahatlatıcı nefes egzersizleri öğrenebilirler.
• Hata yapmanın ve başarısız olmanın öğrenme sürecinin önemli bir parçası olduğunu unutmamalılar.
• Bir profesyonelden koçluk desteği alabilirler.
• Eğer tüm bunlara rağmen performans baskısı sonucu yaşadıkları stresi etkin yönetemediklerini hissediyorlarsa, daha az baskı içeren kendi motivasyon kaynaklarına, yetenek ve becerilerine uygun farklı bir iş yapmayı düşünmeliler.

Yönetici  sınırları zorlayacak hedefler koyuyorsa bunun için ne gibi tedbirler alabiliriz?

Bunu çözebilecek en etkin yaklaşım açık iletişim kurmak diyebiliriz. Çalışanlar kaygılarını ve performans baskısının üstlerinde oluşturduğu olumsuz etkiyi samimiyetle açıklayabilmeliler. Kendi motivasyon kaynaklarının ve becerilerinin farkında olan çalışan, yöneticisine bu özelliklerinden bahsedebilir ve böylece konuşmayı yapıcı ve çözüm odaklı tutabilir. Bu konuşmayı yanlış anlaşılmadan yapabilmek zor olsa da eğer çalışan kurumuna katkıda bulunmaya istekli görünür ve en etkin faydayı sağlayabilmesi için yöneticisinden yardımına ihtiyaç duyduğunu aktarabilirse, olumlu sonuç almasının daha kolay olması beklenir.

Özge BERÇİN
Psikolog – Profesyonel Koç – Eğitmen – İK Danışmanı

Performans Baskısı Çalışanı Hasta Ediyor yazısı ilk önce Salt Psikoloji Enstitüsü üzerinde ortaya çıktı.

Hamilelik bir kadının hayatındaki en önemli süreçlerden, dönüm noktalarından biridir. ‘Anne’ olmanın ilk adımıdır. Bir insana can vermek, 9 ay karnında taşımak ve anne olmaya hazırlanmak duygusal, fizyolojik, psikolojik ve de manevi olarak çok kutsal bir deneyimdir. Bunun yanında çeşitli sebeplerden dolayı bu süreç düşük veya tıbbi bir operasyon ile sonlandığında genelde anne adayı derin bir ‘kayıp’ deneyimi yaşar.

Kayıp, içerisinde çeşitli karmaşık duyguları barındırır; hayal kırıklığı, üzüntü, çaresizlik, öfke, suçluluk, ümitsizlik gibi. Yaşanan bu kayıp ayrıca kadın için bir kimlik kaybı olduğu kadar, geleceğe dair ümitlerin ve hayallerin de kaybıdır. Bu bağlamda, kişinin yaşadığı düşüğe verdiği anlamlar bu deneyimi kişi için oldukça sarsıcı ve travmatik bir hale getirebilir.

Her ne kadar henüz doğmamış bir bebekten hatta fetüsten bahsediyor da olsak hamileliğin ilk anlarından itibaren beden kendisini bu deneyime hazırlar, bedende bir sürü değişiklik olur, hormonlar salgılanır; anne bebeğine bağlanmaya başlar. Bunun sonlanması travmatik bir deneyimdir. Düşük ve kayıp yaşayan kadın kendisini ‘yas’ hissinin içinde bulur.

Benim düşük yaşayan kadınlarla ilgili en sık gözlemlediğim sorunlar (tabi ki eğer gerekli destek alınmamış ve yas, tutulup tamamlanmamış ise); depresyon, kaygı bozuklukları, panik atak, travma sonrası stres bozukluğu, fiziksel problemler (mesela baş, sırt, boyun ağrıları, mide sorunları, deri döküntüleri gibi), geçmiş kayıpların tetiklenmesi, geleceğe dair umutsuzluk, yeniden çocuk sahibi olma konusunda endişeler, kronik stres ve gerginlik, günlük hayatta tahammülsüzlük, ilişkisel problemler (özellikle karı-koca ilişkisinde bozulma) ve tamamlanmamış yas belirtileridir.

Sonrasında depresif hissetmek normal midir?

Evet, sonrasında depresif hissetmek çok normaldir çünkü ortada çok gerçek bir kayıp ve üzücü bir olay var. Ortaya çıkan, anneyi ve çevresindeki diğer insanları da etkileyen karmaşık bir sürü duygu var. Bu depresif hal bir süre devam edebilir (bunun süresi birkaç günden, birkaç haftaya kadar değişebilir fakat bir ayı geçiyorsa mutlaka bir uzmana başvurmakta fayda vardır) fakat çoğu zaman bir süre sonra yas tutuldukça bu depresif hal de azalır ve kişi yeniden günlük hayatına ve eski ruh haline döner. Bununla beraber, araştırmalar düşük yapmış kadınların gelecekte sağlıklı bebekler doğursalar da doğum sonrası depresyonuna ve çocuklarıyla bağlanma problemleri yaşamaya daha meyilli olduklarını gösteriyor. Bu sebeple düşük yaşandığında üzerini kapatmamak, duyguları yok saymamak ve gerekli duygusal, gerekiyorsa da psikolojik desteği almakta fayda var.

Bu olaydan kimler daha çok etkilenir?

Bu olaydan en çok anne (bebek sahibi olma deneyimini özellikle fiziksel ve duygusal olarak en çok deneyimleyen kişi olduğu ve bebeğe ilk andan itibaren bağlandığı için), sonra baba (bebek sahibi olmayı fiziksel olmasa da duygusal ve psikolojik olarak deneyimlediği için) ve daha sonra da bu kişilerin en yakınındaki herkes farklı seviyelerde olmak üzere etkilenebilir.

Baba da anne ile aynı oranda bu sorunları yaşar mı? Babanın yaşadıkları nelerdir? Babalar bu durumda ne tür travmalar yaşıyor? Bebeğini kaybeden baba sonrasında çocuk istememe gibi bir durum yaşıyor mu?

Tüm bu duygusal, zihinsel ve psikolojik süreçler baba adayları için de geçerlidir. Her ne kadar baba adayları hamileliğin fiziksel değişimlerini bedenlerinde yaşamıyor da olsalar son zamanlarda yapılan araştırmalar babaların da duygusal ve psikolojik olarak eşlerinin hamilelik sürecinden çok etkilendiğini gösteriyor. Hatta düşük sonrasında depresyon ve kaygı bozuklukları yaşayan erkekler de oldukça fazla. Oysa toplumda maalesef babaların bu duyguları çok görmezden geliniyor, bastırılıyor ve sanki bu sadece kadınları ilgilendiren bir süreçmiş gibi görülüyor. Çoğu zaman yasını yaşayamayan ve duyguları göz ardı edilen erkek bunu fiziksel problemler ve öfke olarak dışa vuruyor. Eğer baba adayı da bu olay sonrasında yaşadığı bu sıkıntılar için destek almazsa (çevreden veya uzmanlardan) çocuk isteme konusunda kaçınmalar yaşayabilir veya kaygılarını bir sonraki çocuk deneyimine yansıtıp çok endişeli ve zor zamanlar geçirebilir.

Örneğin Down Sendromu nedeniyle hamilelik sonlandırılmışsa daha sonraki gebelikte anne ne tür sorunlar ve kaygılar yaşıyor?

Down Sendromu sebebiyle hamileliğin sonlandırılmış olması genelde yine beraberinde bir sürü karmaşık duyguyu getiren bir olaydır. Anne-baba adayı çok zorlu bir düşünsel süreçten geçer çünkü burada hamileliği sonlandırmakla ilgili bir seçim söz konusudur. Suçluluk duygusu, derin bir hayal kırıklığı, duruma karşı isyan, üzüntü, kayıp, yas, öfke, endişe ve çaresizlik en sık yaşanan duygulardandır. Bu ve bunun gibi süreçler yaşayan ebeveyn adayları daha sonraki hamileliklerde de benzer sıkıntıları yaşamaktan dolayı endişe duyabiliyorlar. Hatta bazen bu kaygı ile daha sonra sahip oldukları bebekleri sağlıklı doğmuş dahi olsa çok uzun süre bundan emin olamayıp doktor doktor gezip çeşitli testler yaptırabiliyorlar.

Gebelik kayıpları sonrası nasıl toparlanılır?

Bu süreci sağlıklı atlatmak için düşük yaşamanın bir kayıp ve yas deneyimi olduğunu fark etmek, durumu küçümsememek ve üzerini kapamaya çalışmamak gerekir. Aynı şey bunu yaşayan kadının çevresi için de geçerlidir. Yas süreçlerinde genelde; önce şok, sonra inkâr, ardından durumun gerçekliğiyle yüzleşildiğinde yoğun bir öfke ve içsel pazarlık, daha sonra depresyon ve en son da durumu kabullenme ve hayatını yeniden düzenleme yaşanır. Kişinin kendisine bu süreçlerin her birini yaşaması için izin vermesi ve böylece de yasını tamamlaması önemlidir. Aksi takdirde tutulmayan yas kişinin hayat kalitesini çok düşürür, depresyon, kronik stres ve kaygı düzeyini arttırır ve bir şekilde kişinin hayatının ilerleyen yıllarında farklı deneyimlerde yeniden ortaya çıkabilir.

Yas ve iyileşme sürecinde kişinin aile ve sosyal desteği, özellikle de eşinin desteği çok önemlidir. Kaldı ki aynı yas, kayıp ve üzüntü eş için de geçerlidir. Konu hakkında özgürce konuşabilmek, duygularını anlamak, birbiriyle paylaşmak ve diğerleri tarafından anlaşılması da sürecin sağlıklı atlatılmasında önemli bir rol oynar. Böylece bu büyük stres ve kayıp travmasının ilişkiyi erozyona uğratmak yerine tam tersi daha da güçlendirmesi sağlanabilir.

Eğer tüm bunlara rağmen düşük yaşayan kadın bunu atlatamıyorsa mutlaka profesyonel destek almasını öneririm. Aksi takdirde tutulmamış yas, depresyon, endişe ve stres bir şekilde gelecekteki çocuklarına da aktarılabilir.

Sonraki gebelikler için neler yapılması gerekiyor?

Düşük yaşayan bir kadının tekrar hamile kalmaya karar vermeden önce kaybettiği bebeği ile ilgili duygularıyla yüzleşmiş ve yasını tamamlamış olması önemlidir. Böylece yeni bebeğe duygusal dünyasında yer açmış olur ve daha rahat, sakin ve huzurlu bir hamilelik geçirir. Aksi takdirde yeniden düşük yapma korkusu yaşayabilir ve bu korku ve endişelerini karnında gelişmekte olan bebeğine (ve hatta doğacak çocuklarına) geçirebilir. Artık çok net biliyoruz ki hamilelik sırasında annenin endişesi, stresi, korkuları salgıladığı hormonlarla birlikte bebeğini etkileyebiliyor.

Ayrıca, eğer düşük nedeniyle karı-koca ilişkisi yara almışsa, gerginlik tolere edilememişse ve çift öfkesini ve bastırılmış duygularını birbirine yansıtıyorsa çift terapisi alınmasını öneririm. Araştırmalar gösteriyor ki karı-koca arasındaki ilişki ne kadar sağlıklı ve mutlu ise hem hamilelik süreci, hem de bebekler doğduktan sonra gelişimleri o kadar sağlıklı oluyor.

Aile bireylerinin bebeğini kaybeden anneye karşı nasıl davranması gerekiyor?

Aile bireylerinin yapabileceği en önemli şey bebeğini kaybeden anneye destek olmalarıdır. Bunu yaparken onun duygularını dinlemek, kendisini ifade etmelerine imkan vermek, ‘güçlü olmalısın!, yeniden bebeğin olur takma’ diyerek hemen iyileşme konusunda baskı yapmamak gerekmektedir. Eğer gebelik bir operasyonla sonlanıyorsa mutlaka onun yanında olmak, üzüntüsünü dinlemek önemlidir.

Şirin Hacıömeroğlu ATÇEKEN
Uzm. Psk- Çift ve Aile Terapisti // Salt Psikoloji Kurucu Ortağı

Düşük Psikolojisi yazısı ilk önce Salt Psikoloji Enstitüsü üzerinde ortaya çıktı.